Matt as a Dad

#NewDad trying to find humour in the journey. I make jokes on here so my wife doesn’t kill me. #dadjokes #dadstories #girldad

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

Oat festive nog is disgusting. #ruinchristmas

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

On scale to 1 to 100, how infuriating is it when the grandparent say: “You didn’t die, did you?”

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

@fuckyouiquit

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

Two for two traumatizing the baby at Christmas events. Stranger Danger/thought we were abandoning her with Santa at pictures with Santa and thought she was under attack at the Christmas Truck parade.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

What did @Raffi_RC do to get excluded from my #SpotifyWrapped2023? 100% was the top artist from my account. Didn’t even show up on the wrap. @Spotify

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

It’s weird how much my toddler love caramelized onions. Eats them like they are candy and keeps asking for more if I have any left on my plate.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

Goin’ To The Zoo by @Raffi_RC is a sneaky banger and ultimate ear worm.

🎵 Mommy's takin' us to the zoo tomorrow
Zoo tomorrow, zoo tomorrow
Mommy's takin' us to the zoo tomorrow
We can stay all day.🎵

Now it’s stuck in your head too.

#EarWorm

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

Are people still throwing cheese slices at their infants? Also my child eats the good stuff, no craft singles so pretty sure I’d get in trouble for throwing that cheese.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

When do the sleep progressions start? #newdad #parenting #TiredAF

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

@mommajessiec @thefunnytweeter 100% have been sitting outside Costco with a TV we just bought that didn’t fit in the car trunk. Had to get somebody to come with bigger car to get the tv.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

Some renditions of the ABCs on Spotify go hard. Like are you trying to teach kids the Alphabet or start a baby mosh pit.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

My 14 month old started saying “No” yesterday. Don’t think she fully knows what it means but the next 18 years of my life flashed before my eyes.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

It’s Itsy Bitsy right? Hate being gaslit by these remakes saying incy wincy.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

@PicturesFoIder Medium-rare sliced thin steak and chimichurri sauce.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

It’s alarming how little children’s song take concussions and head trauma seriously. The snoring old man and those monkeys need serious medical attention.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

My 13month old now likes to try and lick the dog on the snout. She’s leaning more from the dog than us.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

My daughter walks/runs like captain Jack Sparrow.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

It should be illegal to have a child’s birthday party where parents are expected to stay without alcohol.

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

At a kids first birthday party, cause this is now my life.

Host offered me a drink… Soda.

Who doesn’t provide alcohol for these things? It’s going to be a long afternoon.

#dadlife

[Matt as a Dad @ThatMattDad]

When someone posts the same thing on Facebook and Instagram are you suppose to like both or is just one good enough?