Matt Greene

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

@MichelleFireRed @UberFacts LIES!!!!! Arrrgh

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

I’m the only normal person I’ve ever met.

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

@bash__profile I can’t decide if this sentence is looking for an “h” or a “w.”

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

It was a long week yesterday.

[Emily Eby French @emilyebytx]

Okay, both Dade Phelan and Dan Patrick invited us to point to places in #HB6/#SB7 where there is voter suppression.
So here's a thread of me doing that in SB7.
First, the restriction on 24-hour voting:

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

@TheAngelaGreene @bash__profile https://t.co/vupimcpmey

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

@OfficialKat I appreciate this very indirect way of asking me out. Very well; I accept.

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

@StephenKing *Greene

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

Current Greene kids screaming match:
“THERE’S NO CHICKEN BUTTS IN CAKE!”
“YES, THERE ARE!”

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

You know what? I’m calling it. To hell with 2021, as well.

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

“At the end of the day, the goal is to put pancake in your face hole.”
-MG NYE parenting advice

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

Spiritually speaking, I am always carrying a full load of socks from the dryer.

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

Patient interaction of the shift:
(Intoxicated Pt with a head wound)
Pt: Hey. What’s your name?
Me: My name is Matt.
Pt: Matt?
Me: Yup
Pt: You suck, Matt.

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

It is not even 4:00pm yet, and the sun has set. That’s not normal, right!?

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

Sometimes, the greatest moments for modeling behavior for our children comes to us as opportunities that have arisen from our own poor choices.
Unrelated aside: Had the ol’ “don’t throw snowballs at bears” talk with my children this morning.

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

@JonNolan HAHAHAha...

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

“I know what will make me feel better...Twitter.”
-An actual thought I just had, for anyone wishing to have me committed.

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

Ruined by movies and TV shows, some small part of me still awaits a last-minute, third act moment of redemption; that somehow the light will win at the last possible second and save me from darkness.

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

@JonNolan Wikileaks, Jon. Wikileaks.

[Matt Greene @ThatMattGreene]

N.B: The acronym “W.A.P.” does not, as my wife had previously informed me, stand for “Woman As President.” As such, attempting to use this acronym in conversation to demonstrate ones “wokeness” will not produce the desired results.