Tom DeGise is a parody of himself

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

All it took to get me back on the bird app was the death of a tyrant.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

Good to know that in case this accounting thing doesn’t pan out I have a potential future as a wedding officiant.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

@copdisrespecter

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

My husband keeps telling me that I have no sense of direction, so I packed my things and right.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

I heard a cheese factory exploded in France.

Da brie was everywhere!

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

Did you hear the one about the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground?

It was a knot-for-profit.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

What do you call a fish with no eye?

A fsh.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?

Live stream.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. It was tense.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

@SocialistDadNJ

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

When does a joke become a “dad joke”?

When it becomes apparent.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

@socialistdogmom Molly, when this ship goes down you will be one of my fondest memories of it.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak?

It was too Chewie.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

I’m going to exclusively tweet dad jokes until everyone left here is also exclusively tweeting dad jokes, resulting in one of the following outcomes: all remaining users simultaneously rage quitting or Elawn unplugging the site. Either way, the end is nigh.

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

@BartlyRat (Thank you, thank you- I may not be here all week)

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

@BartlyRat More like a niiiiiightmare

[Lillian Bustle @LillianBustle]

Jersey City has a council member who hit someone with her car & drove off. She has been called to resign & refused. And now she his hosting a Trunk or Treat for Halloween, ostensibly giving out candy from the trunk of her car
that she hit a cyclist with
& drove away
so that's fun

[Tom DeGise is a parody of himself @ThatNJSocialist]

@copdisrespecter My face when I see people point out that Christian hegemony needs to die.