Pretentious Asshole

[Pretentious Asshole @That_Assh0le]

Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? LOL YOU WOULD TOO IF YOUR NAME WAS IUFHASIFHAPISFHAPIFSHJ!!!!!! #funny

[Pretentious Asshole @That_Assh0le]

Women don't need to know how to drive unless suddenly there is a road between the bedroom and the kitchen. <----#LOLIMADETHISONEUP

[Pretentious Asshole @That_Assh0le]

Spending the day doing 14 hours of homework because I know that I don't have that much I just want everyone to think I'm smart and that busy

[Pretentious Asshole @That_Assh0le]

The Hangover 2 was better than The Hangover 1 but not nearly as good as The George Lopez Show. That guys FUNNY!!!

[Wendina M. Ubaghs @girlweena]

For a few minutes, there, I couldn't access Twitter, Facebook, favstar or tumblr. I almost applied for a job.

[Pretentious Asshole @That_Assh0le]

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO RETWEET PEOPLE IF I'M THE FUNNIEST PERSON I KNOW.

[Pretentious Asshole @That_Assh0le]

Maybe I haven't kissed a girl before (unless you count my Mom) but it doesn't mean I can't hope for @DrunkkSlut!!

[Pretentious Asshole @That_Assh0le]

@Bitch_Bitch9 Just because you didn't call me back doesn't mean you have to be a BITCH!!!! #overyou #weneverdated #butimtotallyoveryou

[A. Hole @cornlog]

War is not the answer unless the question is "what is 'raw' spelled backwards?"

[A. Hole @cornlog]

Women get all judgmental when you steal their baby.

[Pretentious Asshole @That_Assh0le]

HAHAH DANE COOK IS THE FUNNIEST COMEDIAN EVER!!!! I DONT CARE WHAT YOU SAY!!! #comedicGOLD

[COLD CARD X SUPPORT TEAM @COLDCARDX]

Don't_spell_your_Twitter_name_like_this_asshole.

[A. Hole @cornlog]

I don't put child locks on cabinets that have chemicals because you'd have to be a complete idiot to drink Drano.

[Pretentious Asshole @That_Assh0le]

I have an extensive vocabulary and I'm not afraid to use a large word in the wrong context for the sake of making you look bad.

[Bill Mc7 @BillMc7]

I've never seen a waterfall even attempt to put up a chase.

[Pretentious Asshole @That_Assh0le]

I'm a VMA Major.... But what I really want to do is direct.

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

I forgot my sunglasses & it's bright out. I hope I get hit by a car & die.

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

When you say "Beyoncé," you don't really have to add "Knowles." (Not because she's famous but because nobody else has that ridiculous name)