Christopher

Not Actually Batman. Chubby Bearded Man.

[Christopher @TheBigBatman]

During childbirth the pain is so great that a woman almost knows what it's like for a man to have the flu.

[fancy nancy @dontstartmeup]

If cats could smoke, they would.

[A poorly put together taxidermy fox @OGPoutyMcgee]

*takes a long drag from a cigarette

*looks at your baby

*exhales

What’s wrong with your dog?

[𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗 𝙼𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚜 @SkinMuffins]

How many loads can I possibly do in one day.

[Honey🇨🇦 @hidinghoney]

I'll be everyone's hype girl idgaf

[ɴᴏ ᴄᴜᴛs ɴᴏ ʙᴜᴛs ɴᴏ ᴄᴏᴄᴏɴᴜᴛs @damn_elle]

Welcome to Twitter. Welcome to misunderstandings.

[fancy nancy @dontstartmeup]

My tweets may be hard, just scroll to the easy ones.

[𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗 𝙼𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚜 @SkinMuffins]

I’m not sorry for being this way.

[𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗 𝙼𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚜 @SkinMuffins]

Lasagna me, Daddy.

[CannabisFlower @BadCovid19]

Having a glass of red wine tonight like a classy bish

[CannabisFlower @BadCovid19]

Please tweet more….how else am I supposed to flirt with you

[CannabisFlower @BadCovid19]

Wait….is it too late to do a mistletoe tweet or….

[Julz @T0xic__AF]

a presence that feels like a full-body takeover

[𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗 𝙼𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚜 @SkinMuffins]

Good thing I’m not here to impress anyone.

[fancy nancy @dontstartmeup]

Merry Christmas Eve, my pommie chommies.

[fancy nancy @dontstartmeup]

I’m glass tiger and peach schnapps years old.

[Julz @T0xic__AF]

and yes… I felt that

[𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗 𝙼𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚜 @SkinMuffins]

Pick the sock lint out from between each other’s toes and chill?

[fancy nancy @dontstartmeup]

Your Christmas present is another year of my great advice, namaste.

[CannabisFlower @BadCovid19]

Nobody panic but I’m back on my shit again