The Comedy Kid

If you were a doctor..... I'd show you something that would astonish you. #TeamFollowBack

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

That awkward moment when you're talking and you realize no one is listening.

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

I don’t waste my time on stupid shits...

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

Just remember when you're ignoring her, you're teaching her to live without you...

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

How can my parents expect good grades when I push a pull door?

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

Goodnight https://t.co/O4Aw1KiGmH

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

When attractive people say they're ugly...

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

@BBC_Watch @MarcherLord1 LOL!

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

Can I skip school and go to the part where I become a billionaire?

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

Me: Walks into school

*2 minutes later*

Me: When can I leave

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

My hatred for school gets bigger and bigger every single day...

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

It takes me like 3 days to wake up in the morning...

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

"Wow I finally understand maths"

*Moves on to next question*

"What the hell is this?"

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

Cute things to call your girlfriend:

1. sugar
2. honey
3. flour
4. egg
5. 1/2lb butter
6. stir
7. pour into pan
8. preheat to 375°

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

Dear teacher,
if I sit next to my best friend I'll whisper to him.
If you move me away I'll shout to him.
Its your choice

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

RT if your life is a mess!

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

You're too beautiful to be cheated on...

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

I hate the part of the morning where I have to actually get out of bed and participate in real life...

[The Comedy Kid @TheComedyKid_]

When ur mad af & someone tries to cheer you up 〜(^∇^)〜 https://t.co/DhXzpjghTV