Ellen Files

Our coworker has no verbal filter.

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"I like to stay on the bottom. It's too much work on the top and the lights get in my eyes."

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"You should check out the lower half of my body. It looks DOPE."

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"Here's a question about birth control: what if you're time traveling? Do you take it at the same time every day?"

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"Okay let's practice gravity!

*throws several things on the ground*

Aw man, that didn't land like I thought. Gravity."

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"OOH I had a dream about a hot dog last night. Mmmm."

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"Sometimes I do faux pas with my speech I'm sorry"

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"I'm not one to toot my own horn, but this drink I made is a pretty dank color"

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"Lemme go onnnn like a twister in the sun." #itsBLISTERellen

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"Hollaaa! Or as the Jewish people say, Challah!....like challah bread!" #mazeltov

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"I always thought the song was 'will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm 6 feet 4' and I never got it" cc: @paulmccartney

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"2 people asked me if I was high yesterday,but I just had a slice of pie for breakfast & worked out so it was a combo sugar/endorphins high"

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"I got some paint in my hair so I left it to see how I'll look when I go gray"

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"You know what I dreamt about the other night? I dreamt Jessica Fletcher was having an affair!" #murdershedreamt

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"'Where it lay? Lie? Lied?'....I'll just say 'was.' Good old English."

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

Re: why Dalmatians aren't actually friendly: "they're the only dog that WANTS to run into a fire. Think about it."

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"I got a foot long hot dog the other day but could only eat 9 inches of it...saved the last 3 inches for dessert" #hotdogfiles

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"You know who I love..?....McCormick!.(crickets)...McCormick!" ".....Harry Connick Jr.....?" "Yea, him!" #sweetlord #americanidolfoul

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

It's like that Barry Manuel song, "Let's Get It On." #barrymanilowfail #barrywhitefail

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"I've spent many a nights at a boys place and I always end up on their mouth." 😐

[Ellen Files @TheEllenFiles]

"He said those guests are always very snickpickety" #persnicketyfail