Patron Saint of Procrastination

Kallie || She/her || I used to be a functional human being 🏳️‍🌈ᵇˡᵐ

[Patron Saint of Procrastination @TheKallieChris]

If anyone wants to read an article where I wrote mean things about the LACC, here ya go https://t.co/1m8Rrp5yrT

[hil @plume__]

my brother confessed to me today that the photograph we’ve been searching for of a very clear man/ghost in my childhood bedroom, taken & developed by my sister ~25 yrs ago, was in my mom’s bible he threw in a swamp as a teen because he thought it would give him “dark powers”

[Patron Saint of Procrastination @TheKallieChris]

Hi friendo @TimothyPlatt! I want to get a simple tattoo of Stirfry and I was hoping you'd do a quick drawing for me to put on my body forever? It would be a great honor if you're amenable to the idea 💕

[Patron Saint of Procrastination @TheKallieChris]

Why is it a picture of stalactites
https://t.co/kJmBbWReDQ

[trash jones @jzux]

me: dating is hard, lotta weirdos out there

me on a date: so would you rather kiss the sun or the moon

[Wesley @WesleyBout]

Went to get a Covid test and a giant broccoli man walked by the door

[Paperclip Maximalist ( 📎 , 📎 ) p/acc @PewPewBTC]

@foster_type It’s interesting that when they get to France many choose to simply turn around and drown to death

[Wong Updates @WongUpdates]

John Cena shot and killed Jimmy Fallon during a live broadcast of 'THE TONIGHT SHOW'

(via: Deadline)

[ᐱ ᑎ ᑐ ᒋ ᕮ ᒍ @Andr3jH]

not a headline but probably the best thing the Onion has ever done

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

The funniest part is that his entire driving force for every decision he’s made in the last ten years is to become the most liked, most popular little birthday boy of all time. And it’s literally made him despised around the world.

[Patron Saint of Procrastination @TheKallieChris]

@WikiOoc Would that make it vegetarian? Asking as a vegetarian

[cats being weird little guys 👅 @weirdlilguys]

there’s an election for Cat Mayor currently happening in Somerville, Mass. and every cat deserves to win

[it looks like you're writing a novel @gr8writingtips]

a full stop is when the sentence has to come to a complete stop and a comma is when it can keep going but would need to give way to other vehicles. i don't know what the fuck a semicolon is

[Lord of the Fries @wiggerp1g]

@doemisu i tried touching it and it brought me to the bean dimension

[just a lil’ guy @justin_al3x]

i have a line in my Grindr profile that’s something like “i bake a lot. please take some bc my freezer can’t take any more” and some guy just messaged me:

“Do you bake banana bread?”
“i have! it’s been a while”
“Bake me some bro”

…and now i’m baking him banana bread tomorrow.

[trash jones @jzux]

“it’s his money” if you don’t think it’s weird this guy would rather hang onto 405 billion dollars than give away some of that wealth to help people not starve and be homeless, I genuinely don’t understand you

[Gale Na @poisonjr]

I am listening to Pharrell Williams' smash hit song "Happy" and understanding for the first time that it was truly intended to distress

[Kottie @KotzBejsoblem]

when you beg the machines for mercy, what will you do when you're met with silence

[most certified wig moments in history @ezratarique]

I don’t know if this qualifies but