David Town

Not famous, successful or important. Smarmy with absolutely no right to be so.

[David Town @TheRealTown]

Samsung Galaxy Note 8 International Giveaway @androidauth #giveaway https://t.co/VHBzEZaset

[David Town @TheRealTown]

When scrolling down to refresh this app makes a sound like an oversized thumb being violently yanked from an undersized rectum

[David Town @TheRealTown]

Moto Z International Giveaway! [3 Phones] @Moto @AndroidAuth https://t.co/YiOvMKpiJT

[David Town @TheRealTown]

Nexus 6P International Giveaway @androidauth #giveaway https://t.co/9U82CWYCgR

[David Town @TheRealTown]

Crystal Light. 12.5 calories per packet. Only consume 2/5 of the packet you bloated, sweaty blubber butts!

[David Town @TheRealTown]

One of these Peeps is not like the others. One these Peeps is a really bad driver. Discuss.

[David Town @TheRealTown]

#adduplexWPC

[David Town @TheRealTown]

My Dad died of ALS. He told me he got because someone dumped of nerve shocking bucket of ice water on his head. The more you know...

[Joel McHale @joelmchale]

1/2 a hummer? Who'd want that?

[David Town @TheRealTown]

Her: You look like you've put on weight over the years.
Me: You look like you've been skull fucked by Father Time.
Game. Set. Match.

[David Town @TheRealTown]

@ThatChrisGore Just saw Amazing Spiderman 2. The crowd applauded at the end! Hopefully because it was over. Awful!

[David Town @TheRealTown]

.@SuperJackTweet @stephenfry Pat, I'd like to buy a bowel.

[David Town @TheRealTown]

@amyschumer Just finished reading the speech you gave at Gloria Awards. Wish I had a daughter so I could have her read it.

[David Town @TheRealTown]

@DougStanhope Not for a lumpectomy, per se. But they are for the "cause". At a steep discount.

[David Town @TheRealTown]

Graphic from 1960s Twister box. I want this to be the official emoticon for Gay Man Orgy. Would come in handy.

[David Town @TheRealTown]

@nerdist @GeorgeTakei Flaming the "faithful" with class and wit. Priceless.

[David Town @TheRealTown]

@artiequitter Be careful Artie. Hospitals can play fast and loose with civil liberties.

[David Town @TheRealTown]

@artiequitter WAAAAA! My blood is thick and sweet like high fructose corn syrup. WAAAAA! Hang tuff. Love you Artie!

[David Town @TheRealTown]

@artiequitter Take care of yourself and feel better soon...or I will break my foot off in yo' ass!

[David Town @TheRealTown]

@TheRichardLewis I always suspected that Lenny's nipples were insensitive.