Jewel

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

@intouchweekly @truTVjokers @Joe_Gatto @jamessmurray @BQQuinn @SalVulcano The tattoo punishment was epic. Hands down, it was the best. 😂😂😂

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

@SeanAstin It will ALWAYS be too soon. Why do you have to be such a likable actor, Mikey?

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

Me: Maybe I should I buy some actual pot holders instead of using towels.
Family: What do you want for Xmas?
Me: Oh a gift card would be nice!
*Spends it all on kid*

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

@SeanAstin I will not try. I will do. My son will shine brighter for it.

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

That first time you tell someone you #love them...kind of want to #vomit, kind of want to do a #backflip.

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

@NASA @CassiniSaturn

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

When you ask your child's father if he needs new PJs and he says, "It will probably last him until he needs a bigger one." #What #Really

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

@joesalisbury Played the role of the #Nurse. Besides, they were in his name. #CloseButNoCigar

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

Remembering when my ex won front row tickets to #DashboardConfessional and they were #Stolen from us by his broken leg. #KarmaIsABitch

[Chris Murphy 🟧 @ChrisMurphyCT]

It's worth asking why we spend $600 billion a year on the military if we can't get more than 5000 troops and 50 helicopters to Puerto Rico.

[JP Sears @AwakenWithJP]

The eclipse is upon us. Here's everything you need to know!
https://t.co/sJfYjlIZux
#UltraSpiritual #Eclipse2017

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

@truTV @truTVjokers @BQQuinn @jamessmurray Joe, how could you ask such a Q. We Sal know it's Murray obvious.

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

@pantshalfoff @TheGoodGodAbove What about my band, Mammary Glands? We'd show up in a flash. #WhyDoITweet #TitsAnyonesGuess

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

While ppl are tweeting about good deeds for the community, I'm over here making bad puns. #LifeChoices #Puns #StillNotSorry

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

Sick of pulling half bitten pickles out of your sandwich? Use dill relish instead. #yourewelcome #lifehack #picklemethisbatman

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

#DouglasAdams https://t.co/xMofGZA3LZ

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move https://t.co/7jQXxGuECQ

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move https://t.co/7jQXxGuECQ

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

I'm sorry that wasn't #Descend https://t.co/oq2AOdAzvd

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

#CrossMyHeart https://t.co/VpU7TQkPrQ

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

#CrossMyHeart https://t.co/VpU7TQkPrQ

[Jewel @TheSingerIAmNot]

Yeah, maybe Fire and Tombstone. I feel like it rises above. #SorryNotSorry #ThePunsWriteThemselves #CheekyCunt https://t.co/7BZfvCAhQs