Lullabies are bizarre. Your baby is upset and you want them to stop crying? Got it. ✨RELATABLE✨.
So to help you’re going to… buy them a bird? Weird, but sure.
Oh wait, the bird is too quiet for you? So now you’re going to… BUY THEM A DIAMOND RING? Insane.
It’s really wonderful how my baby just wants to stare lovingly into my eyes for endless amounts of time, but also a little rude because after almost four months he should know how much I like looking at my phone.
From the makers of Mom™️ and Pregnancy™️, we bring you ‘Endless Exhaustion’ and ‘Poorly Thought Out Threats you Gave your Child and Really Hope you Don’t Have to Follow Through On’...
Parents will playfully describe their kids things like “sassy”, “feisty” “incorrigible” or “a free spirit” because it’s not socially acceptable to call them assholes.
@realmellors Anything with a “for” qualifier.
My most common one is “You’re really pretty *for* a redhead”, as if A. that doesn’t still sound like I’m far below average because you’re comparing me to my other ginger swamp brethren, and B. there aren’t some truly stunning redheads out there
It’s kind of wild running into someone you haven’t seen for a while, because you haven’t done anything or gone anywhere in six months and your entire conversation is just subtly hinting that you’ve gone insane and have low-grade depression without actually using those words.
@laureenbazzi@ramblinma Sorry. Mon is Jan-March, because it sucks and drags on forever, Tues is April-June, Wed is July, Thurs is Aug. & Sept., Friday is Oct. because it starts out normal and ends fun. Then Sat is Nov. and Sun is Dec- you think it’ll be fun, but the older you get the more it’s just work