Phil

RPG fan; Rookie DM; TV-Series-addict; Daydreaming Eeveelution.

[‏ً @omgsidewalks]

SAY SOMETHING AUTISTIC.

I’ll start:
The tag of the blanket is on the feet side

[Gramps @GrandpaHarris65]

Sometimes, I shine a laser pointer in my Trump voting neighbor's window when they're gone. Their cat has trashed 3 sets of mini blinds chasing it. They have no idea it's me.

[Dr. Abdul El-Sayed @AbdulElSayed]

It’s Abdul, habibi. The one you’ll be calling Senator Abdul when we send your little guy back to Florida in November.

[gianmarco @GianmarcoSoresi]

Mf gonna turn me catholic

[Employee Tears @EmployeeTears]

I can’t call someone a dumb fuck at work, so instead I say, “walk me through your thought process”

[Mohit Chauhan @unmutemohit]

Donald Trump: An Israeli plumber flew the plane, which he supposedly learned to fly by watching an air-disaster show. I don’t know if it is true or not, but this is the story I got from Bibi.

Story is so fake that even Donald Trump is doubting it. 😭😭

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

Pete Hegseth is what happens when no one has ever told you to shut the fuck up.

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Someone in our office keeps scheduling meetings for 12:01 so they technically aren’t “lunch meetings.” Today I joined one while eating a sandwich. The organizer sighed and said, “I was hoping we could all be fully present.” I said I could either be fully present with a sandwich or partially present while thinking about one. Three people immediately unmuted and started eating. One woman had an entire plate of spaghetti ready beside her laptop. The meeting ended at 12:14 because the organizer said the chewing was distracting. It’s the shortest meeting we’ve had all year. We’re bringing soup tomorrow.

[Canada Hates Trump @AntiTrumpCanada]

Reminder: Hunter Biden made $640 million while working for Daddy and took $2 billion from the people behind 9/11.

Wait, sorry - that was Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner.

[associate of the moth @amandasfemme]

a friend of mine once went to Italy with her parents and when the tour guide asked where they were from her mom said “Springfield” as if she expected this guy to know where the hell Springfield, Massachusetts is. he called her Marge Simpson for the rest of the tour

[ilya rozALLYov ☽ ☾ 💖💜💙 @nametags]

If a MILLENNIAL is requesting you jump on a call it is because your dumbass can’t comprehend the very basic information in the emails.

I do not know a single one of my millennial peers that WILLINGLY makes phone calls.

[Michael 🪬✨ @michaelalvarez_]

We could’ve avoided all of this if the media had muted his ass back in 2015 instead of providing wall to wall coverage of every word that came out of his mouth

[Dedda @Deddinx]

Mia figlia è entrata in camera con un pupazzo e mi ha detto “indovina chi ti saluta?”

È stato un momento difficilissimo

[Sabrina @neu_rot_ic]

adult friendships are just exchanging "im alive just depressed and busy but ily" messages back and forth until the end of time

[Heathbar @HeathbarPlays]

I'm generally not the type to celebrate the downfall of others, but seeing all these posts of Scalpers / Resellers being upset because the Pokemon 30th Anniversary sets they bought are turning out to not be as profitable as they thought...

Music to my ears man. Music to my ears.

[Thomas Massie @RepThomasMassie]

They shut down the Legislative Branch of the United States of America because I was outmaneuvering the Speaker to expose a global sex trafficking ring and impeach a rogue cabinet secretary.

It was the only way they could stop me.

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

“I wasn’t even aware there was a Kennedy Center. I’ll have to look into that. I’ve been very busy.”
-Speaker Mike Johnson

[ᡕᠵ᠊ᡃ່࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊ࠢ࠘𐡏 @ooltraviolence]

Hai assolutamente ragione! Alla luce delle nuove informazioni l'imputato non era colpevole di duplice omicidio

Vuoi approfondire la differenza fra pistola e carabina o preferisci una lista dei vari tipi di proiettile?

[🌟 Tyler Koberstein 🏳️‍🌈 @t_kobs]

Macklemore has always been that bitch. Like, the impact it had to hear “Same Love” on popular radio stations as a closeted 15-year-old.