Dakota Rimmer

Aspiring comedy writer, stuck in Nashville. My podcast network, Host of the first ever Weird Al podcast 🤷🏽‍♀️

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

"Hotel? Don't you mean 'A different place to watch Friends till we fall asleep'?"

--my wife, every vacation.

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

Like, they have to know how stupid this sounds, right?

“Just celebrating my X Anniversary!”
“Your ex’s anniversary?”
“No, my X Anni- nevermind”

Anyway, here’s to 15 wasted years.

#MyXAnniversary

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

Sometimes, when I’m a good husband and I get the kids to bed and all the laundry folded, I get to turn on my favorite video game and stare at the title screen for a few seconds before falling asleep on the couch til 3am. Life is good 😊

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

Sometimes when a friend is describing something I’ll say “Oh, just like in Succession?” And they’ll always say “Exactly!”
Except, I’ve never seen Succession. So either I’m great at guessing what Succession is about, OR no one’s actually seen it and we’re all just pretending.

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

When I reach the end of my life, I want my daughters to be able to say “My dad was a great man.”

So later today I’ll be staging an armed robbery. Let me know if you want to play the robber, but you have to let me win please - that’s the whole point.

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

Letterkennyhoopla

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

Here’s a thought, @falloutboy. Remake We Didn’t Start the Fire again, but this time ONLY use the names of black people who’ve been brutally murdered by cops.
(You may have to extend the length a bit)

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

I need to know more about the father’s map from Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer. Where did it lead to? Why did he give it to them? Is it a DLC item?

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

How convenient for cows that grass just, like, grows right there? Just on the ground. Where they live. That’d be like if my bed was made of French fries or something.

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

If you’re reading this in your thirties or beyond, and you can’t look back at your teenage years and say “I’m a better person now” then you need to reevaluate your life.
If you’re reading this in your teenage years, what does “rizz” mean? Can you use it in a sentence?

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

Really enjoying @rianjohnson’s Vaping Scene Cinematic Universe.

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

@RyRy80 @TheRokuChannel @alyankovic I was wondering this exact same thing.

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

The world said “Where are you?” And Blink-182 said “I’m so sorry.”

[blink-182 @blink182]

We’re coming. Tour’s coming. Album’s coming. Tom’s coming. Tickets on sale Monday. New song “Edging” out Friday. https://t.co/lJmgXqI4ab

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

Nathan Fielder’s #TheRehearsal is basically Is It Cake? but for acting.

I promise that sentence makes sense.

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

Utterly ridiculous that they’re called Barn Owls when they almost certainly existed before barns.

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

@ScottHech The police were afraid that if they went in to help they would drown too.

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

@alyankovic If wearing a Weird Al T-shirt is brave then I’m Sir Galahad.

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

@Z2comics @alyankovic Guys, the Weird Al section of my bookcase is getting pretty full.

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

@alyankovic Well Al Yankovic

[Dakota Rimmer @The_Rimmerverse]

@Y2Craig @alyankovic Oh man, I’m stealing this.