it me

i’m jking

[it me @Therl50cent]

@HBO WHERE IS DAVID ATTENBOROUGH’S NARRATION IN PLANET EARTH EPISODE 2 & 3 and probably all the other ones???

[it me @Therl50cent]

Me the past hour and nine minutes

[Kathryn VanArendonk @kvanaren]

two hours from now the livestream will suddenly turn on and it'll just be vanessa lachey standing in a pool of blood, screaming

[philip lewis @Phil_Lewis_]

not yall apparently

[it me @Therl50cent]

it’s called the banshees of ed sheeran

[it me @Therl50cent]

evian tastes like milk, fiji tastes like water, dasani tastes like dry. sorry i’m a supertaster

[Sydney Battle @SydneyBattle]

there’s something so vulnerable about walking into someone’s bathroom and encountering their squatty potty

[it me @Therl50cent]

the poor man’s PT Cruiser is a PT Cruiser

[it me @Therl50cent]

wow remember when you’d go swimming at your friend’s house and they told you that they had a special chemical in the pool that if you peed the water would make a colored ring around u and everyone would know you peed

[it me @Therl50cent]

the people who purchase personal pizzas at the airport and then bring them on the plane have the same energy as the girls who wore cookie monster pajamas in middle school

[it me @Therl50cent]

but has anyone ever been asked their three security questions

[it me @Therl50cent]

why is no one talking about the fact that Steve Martin has been 75 since the 1980’s

[it me @Therl50cent]

oooo crazy idea: let’s stop making nicole kidman do accents

[it me @Therl50cent]

someone called papaya “gamey” a couple years ago and I have not stopped thinking about it since

[it me @Therl50cent]

#berniesmittens

[it me @Therl50cent]

i’ll start. this bitch:

[it me @Therl50cent]

ok what’s something that feels really cheap but is actually expensive

[it me @Therl50cent]

ok so the undoing is great but everyone’s “american” accent is straight trash