DD

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@gcha22 @A_Jude No pass for Randy?

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@A_Jude Why do people still think that Dan is in charge of the lineup or bullpen decisions? Jerry hired him because no one else would take the job knowing they don’t get to make managerial decisions. Jerry runs this team and should be held accountable.

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@luke_arkins Our gold glove winning 2B is -3?

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@MUFCW10 @SSBN611Sailor @YipStrickler That’s why nobody invites you

[Lance Corporate @lance_corporate]

This one is called food trucks:

I check the weather app.

“Ah, a cool 102 degrees with 99% humidity. What a beautiful evening.”

I text the group chat: what do you guys want to do tonight? See a movie? Get some food? Hang out?

“Yeah dude there’s a Seasonal Summer City Festival tonight at [generic lake in the middle of town] and they’re gonna have FOOD TRUCKS! The same exact ones that every other event in town has every time!”

Double cheeseburgers with soggy fries for only $19! Cold street tacos for $7 each! Evergreen Brick and Barrel Hoptard IPAs for $12 + tip for the worst guy you know!

I order my meal and spend the next 45 mins standing by the window, eager and expectant, my shirt now see through with sweat.

“Number 68,” shouts a short, dark haired man, sweat dripping down his forehead into my lobster roll.

I sit on the curb in a half modified criss cross applesauce and dig into my long awaited meal. My entree implodes mid bite, as “lobster” chunks ooze out of the bun’s back side all over my flip flopped feet. Instinctively, I move my legs out of the way, knocking over my Limited Thyme Goat Jizz Quadruple Pale Ale.

I check my watch. 7:45 PM. There’s a live band playing just down the street and the singer looks like a hybrid of Lenny Kravitz and Bono; the sounds of the drunken accordion fill my brain.

I finally succumb to heat stroke and cuddle up with the concrete curb in the gutter as the faint twinkle of fairy lights rocks me to sleep. Good night, sweet child. Sleep, sleep.

I dream of a place with air conditioning. Friends like family. Coloring mats, and chips and salsa that’ll make you shout ARRREEEEEEBA. A place where all your troubles melt away. A place with seats, napkins, fair prices, and fair wages (Chili’s).

I wake up three days later in a children’s hospital in Portland, Maine. I am 8 years old and Shrek will not be released in theaters for another 2 years.

I must find the inventor of food trucks and stop him while there’s still time.

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@jr695111 @Mariners Big M’s fan here

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@JPtheMane @Mariners Suck it, casual

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@Idea_Forum @AndThatsBB Gross

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@MarinersSteve Randy is taking the handshake snub much better than Cal

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@BenJaminH808 @MattLoveless You think this is on Dan and not Jerry and Justin?

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@RivalTherapy @NewEraCap @Fanatics No such thing as a cheap shot at @Fanatics. It’s all deserved

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

That was quick @NewEraCap. What are you doing, taking notes from @Fanatics?

[Magills @magills_]

The match is now going to sudden death, or as Canadians call it, “Free Health Care”.

[Big Cat @BarstoolBigCat]

Let’s all agree to win with class. Remember, hockey is our 4th best sport as a country and it’s all Canada has so we need to be kind when we tell the rest of the world to suck our dicks from the back 🇺🇸

#Class

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@alexSSN Are you my neighbor in federal way?

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@ChartTwink @MarinersONTap @JeffPassan @andrewcgolden Perry Hill is an infield coach?

[Chris con H 🏈⚽️⚾️🏎🏀🎮 @ChrisTJ31]

Harry Ford has the same amount of postseason hits as Mike Trout.

[Humpy @HumpyTheSalmon]

I DID IT!

[Sami ON Tap @SamiOnTap]

Why am I a Mariners fan?

[DD @ThisGuyTweeters]

@bobatbarn55 @A_Jude Why would a team that’s currently holding a playoff position be a seller?