ThornMonkey (parody of myself)

Red Sox, Beer, Food. I was probably joking.

[Christian Heiens 🏛 @ChristianHeiens]

We liberated Belgium in 1944, and this is how they repay us? With an ass-whooping that will be remembered in America for hours, possibly even days, to come?

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

@BestBuy you charged my credit card for a canceled order and it posted to the account. Gimme back my money! $600 is a lot. The order was CANCELED.

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

I hope the @EmpireStateBldg banner flyers are @taylorswift13 and @tkelce and this is all part of the wedding hype

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

@infantprotege How about in 5-7 years? 4 with good conduct.

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

@JTfromT Damn! Save some adulting for the rest of us!

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

@billmaher not that you care, but usually your position and mine has no daylight. But to say your vote is in play for republicans if they simply admit ICE went too far ignores the cruelty, fascism, theocracy, xenophobia, racism and homophobia of the GOP. Do better.

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

Venues, bars, etc. need to stop using "Today" or "Tomorrow" in social media posts without the date. You don't see posts the same day they are posted most of the time. Especially promoted posts.

[mr_eggs 🇵🇸 @scrumble_eggs]

Doctor: We had no choice but to remove part of your colon.

Me; Why?

[Jimmy Fallon @jimmyfallon]

It's officially that time of year when you have to start being really nice to your friend with a pool.

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

@JTfromT Probably that second one. What's this referencing?

[Jeph @JTfromT]

🏖️

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

I might need a Balogan jersey.

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

The US Men’s National Team visited the terminal wing of the Children’s Hospital in Los Angeles today.
“It’s sad to see their brave faces knowing they don’t have a chance”, said Taylor Jameson, age 7.
#USA #worldcup2026 #usmnt

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

Hear me out… at that upcoming UFC match on the White House lawn... early card: Cap’n Kelly v Pete “the Lush” Hegeseth. Winner gets a full pension. Loser gets sent to Venezuela to be President.
#trump @POTUS #MarkKelly #UFC

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

I can’t prove it but I believe the #screwworms made my prime ribeye extra juicy tonight. #beef #texas

[Vincent Bevins @Vinncent]

I can't wait for the world to realize that stadiums in the USA are called like the Doritos CryptoScam Raytheon Thunderdome

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

@KenPaxtonTX's own lawyer endorses @jamestalarico and #KorruptKen's only counterpunch is, "He dated a woman he met at work."

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

OMG someone brought salmon and broccoli and used the break room microwave to heat it up. UGH!

And NEXT time, that someone needs a little more salt on the broccoli and some garlic butter for the salmon.

It’s me. I’m the someone.

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

@infantprotege Worst kept secret in Denton.

[ThornMonkey (parody of myself) @ThornMonkey]

@himayw88 @brentcarcher