Tim Rigby

For your enrichment & entertainment

[Tim Rigby @TimRigby]

If you think my tweets are cynical and depressing, wait until you see the actual news

[Tim Rigby @TimRigby]

Advising my sister from afar on how to avoid the traditional family row this year:

[Tim Rigby @TimRigby]

Make Marcus Rashford Prime Minister:

Pros:
- Unlike our current PM, he's not a huge sack of shit and would therefore do some good.
- Man United would lose a decent forward

Cons:
- There are no cons to making Marcus Rashford Prime Minister

[Tim Rigby @TimRigby]

@rigbynick Just goes to show what happens when you elect a moron as your nation's leader. Good thing we have... ahh, wait. Never mind

[Tim Rigby @TimRigby]

@rigbynick I would say he's lost his mind but... well, you know

[Tim Rigby @TimRigby]

@nicolacoughlan Hey! Straight guy under 35 here 🙋‍♂️ Sorry you're having to deal with dickheads & I think that joke was (and you are) hilarious. Also thanks for saving everyone from my inevitable podcast

[Laura Lexx - Touring NOW! @lauralexx]

If I ever met Jurgen Klopp I’d say “omg if we have a baby we should call it Klipp” just so he’d raise an eyebrow at me and tell me I’m a moron and I’d be so naked by the time he’d finished doing that.

[Ireland Simpsons Fans @iresimpsonsfans]

#exitpoll

[Ireland Simpsons Fans @iresimpsonsfans]

Brexit strategy

[Phil Wang // Insta: @wangpix @PhilNWang]

I thought the ‘Boris Bounce’ was slang for when you abandon a pregnant girlfriend

[Tim Rigby @TimRigby]

Jacob Rees Mogg: "We won't see the benefit of Brexit for 50 years"
[under breath] "when the stockpiled food runs out so the cost of food is astronomical so all the poor people die"

[Tim Rigby @TimRigby]

Firmino is heaps better than Gabriel Jesus.

If you disagree, you are in fact, Gabriel Jesus. In which case: hello and good luck for your next game! But also, you are hopeless

[Match of the Day @BBCMOTD]

Michy Batshuayi provided the highlight of the game by far...
#ENGBEL #BEL #worldcup #bbcworldcup

[Tim Rigby @TimRigby]

The CEO of Cambridge Analytica whinging *most* of their time is spent selling toothpaste, not swaying elections unfairly is a bit like Harold Shipman claiming innocence because he didn't murder most of his patients

[Tim Rigby @TimRigby]

Allez allez allez

[Kermode and Mayo's Film Review: 2001-2022 @wittertainment]

And the winner is... US. So proud to win the Listeners’ Choice Award at the @britpodawards for the SECOND YEAR RUNNING! Thanks so much from the team to everyone who voted. 😜👑👍🏻👏🏻🏅🥂🍾🎉

[Tim Rigby @TimRigby]

@rigbynick You couldn't even go to bars in 2016, how do you know?