Toilet Muser

Relatable problems and thoughts that occur exclusively on the toilet.

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

When you perceive something as "cold" right before you realize it's "scalding hot," and you're on the toilet #FUCK

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

When you're pooping on the toilet and a murderer comes into your house and you're just like #fml now of all times?!

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

When you start pooping and you realize you've taken off your shirt instead of your pants 😂 #classic

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

@onetoughnerd you SUCK

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

A black cat prowls down an alley. A baby's cry echoes in the distance. A turd slides out from my buttcheeks.

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

Someone looks happier than a clam!!! Happy belated birthday, pooper!! @squattypotty

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

Origin
Latin->puppis
French->pupe

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

Poop1
Noun
the aftermost and highest deck of a ship, especially in a sailing ship where it typically forms the roof of a cabin in the stern.

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

Poopin* https://t.co/CE5enChQu0

[Doughboy Tyke ⚡️ @doughboystl]

You ain't got no haters you ain't poppin 👑

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

rt if you're pooping as you read this!!

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

I could imagine ventriloquists have difficult lives...

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

For the #100thtweet, I'd like to thank the cyber prostitutes, fake spam accounts, and the few real followers. Wouldn't be here without you 😘

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

"Fame is proof the people are gullible"
-#bathroomgraffiti

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

Science has proven that sitting in traffic is a waste of life, but sitting on the toilet is where minds are enlightened. #noresearchyet

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

I would love to poop on my boss' desk, but I would feel like I was cheating on my toilet...

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

The nice thing about @Walmart is that you can walk in in your pajamas while sitting on the toilet #convenient

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

Gah! I just dropped a bowling ball on my toe while sitting on the toilet!! Ouch!

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

When you're all nice and clean, just finished wiping, and you accidentally squeeze out another nugget! #startfromscratch

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

Amazing fact: I shat out my @tacobell just like everybody said I would. Still delish though #damn

[Toilet Muser @ToiletteMuser]

Sitting on the toilet is such an underrated place to work on my golf swing