fartzzz, pHD

Comedian. Environmentalist. Dumbass

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

I wish I could have attended Adele's wedding just to lean over to the groom and softly whisper in his ear "Dude, you're getting Adele"

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

https://t.co/AeGUmdQDJe

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

@maxfine_ This is how I find out I'm not in the friend group!? 🤷

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

@alecsapolin Que up Foo Fighters "Hero"

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

I'm just now realizing why I got all those weird looks at the park after loudly calling my dog "The Big Fluffer"

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

@emilykmay Men do have someone like that and it's Olivia Rodrigo 👀

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

@AmyImhoff1701 I think that's awesome! Don't let the haters get to you and keep doing cool shit. I've been in therapy for 4 years now and it's one of the best choices I've ever made.

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

I don't want to hear anything about building a wall between Mexico and the USA until we address the issue of building an air filter between us and Canada #AirQualityAlert

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

Miyan Williams is out here playing like a potato. Just getting jammed down Irish throats. #ohiostate #OSUvND #Buckeyes #BuckeyeNation

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

@MostlyRagrets No, must be never married to qualify

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

Name me one uncle of yours that was single in his 40s, lived alone with his cat, and was cool 😎

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

I left my lunch on my back patio and now I can just watch it sitting there on my back door camera while I sit at my desk at work. What a beautiful time to be alive

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

@EveSimmns @EveSimmns You need to have that blue check taken away for spreading misinformation

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

This was not a good day to tweet this

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

You ever try on a Magnum to.. you know.. just see and it fits like you are 6 years old trying on one of your dad's shirts? #IHavent #IWouldntKnow

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

I think we should have cast reunions for more than just tv shows. I'd love to watch a panel discussion of the janitorial staff from the Sawmill Rd Target '94-'97. Those dudes were hilarious.

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

@WilliamShatner Bill, have you seen this yet? https://t.co/VxqzIrewJN

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

Do you ever find yourself talking to your therapist about your psychologist and suddenly realize you are pretty fucked mentally?

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

@KJ8604 @XboxSupport I am getting this same thing

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

Why is there no stand-up drama? Like just a person with a mic trying to get a room full of people to cry. I think that'd be pretty fun.

[fartzzz, pHD @TomPlute]

I'd pay good money to see #OhioState dunk on that old #loyola nun #NCAATournament