Cute theory, let's play it out.
A monkey hoards a trillion bananas. The troop, enraged, beats him to death. They gather around the pile to feast at last.
But... oh wait, there is no pile.
It turns out the "bananas" were shares in a banana-launching company the dead monkey founded.
The shares were worth a trillion because he was alive to run it.
Now he is dead and the stock is worth $0.
The retarded monkeys have clubbed their way into a recession.
But it gets worse.
Half the "bananas" were tied up in a rocket that supplies bananas to monkeys on the far mountain who had no bananas at all.
Another chunk was tied up in a little satellite dish that beamed banana coordinates to the troop after a flood took out their trees.
So now they realized they beat to death the only monkey who knew how the dish worked.
So the monkeys sit there.
No bananas.
No rockets.
No coordinates to get more banananas.
Just a dead body and a powerful sense of fairness as they all now became infinitely poorer.
OH
And somewhere a smaller monkey watches the whole thing and quietly decides he will never build anything in front of these animals again.
Karmelo supporters are starting to set up fraudulent LLCs under the guise of helping families who have endured domestic violence in order to funnel money to the Anthony family.
Full report, with receipts, coming tomorrow.
History's first trillionaire is a guy who catches rockets out of the sky with chopsticks and beams internet to every dead zone on the planet.
Same guy ships cars that drive themselves, humanoid robots for the factory floor, brain chips that let paralyzed people move a cursor with pure thought, and an AI running on a supercomputer his team stood up in months instead of years.
And the people crashing out about his net worth are doing it on the app he owns. The same app governments spent years trying to censor.
You cannot legislate a rocket into orbit.
They literally rented out the Lincoln Bedroom and don’t forget Bill’s activity in the Oval Office. The vandalism that went on when you left was also well documented.
Welcome to the Dave's Car ID Service countdown of the Definative Indisputable Top 10 List of the Greatest Car Movies of All Time!
(1935 Chrysler Airflow, 1933 Studebaker)
In America, a warehouse store. A fully roasted chicken costs five dollars, the raw chicken beside it costs seven, and I stood between them like a man between two truths.
Golden. Hot. Seasoned. Spinning in glory under the lights, in a line of its brothers. Four dollars and ninety-nine cents.
I checked the raw birds. Seven dollars. Pale. Cold. You must do everything yourself.
This is not commerce. Commerce does not move backward. Somewhere in this building, mathematics lies defeated.
I asked the man at the counter. "How is the cooked bird cheaper than the raw bird?"
"Been five bucks forever. They keep it that way."
"But the store loses."
"Yep. On purpose."
On purpose. I held my receipt with both hands.
In my land, a lord who lowered the price of rice in a hard winter was remembered for generations. They built him a small shrine. This store does it every day, with chicken, and tells no one.
A woman behind me grew tired of my reverence. "It's just a chicken, sir."
It is not just a chicken. It is a wound the merchant takes on purpose, so that anyone, on any day, with five dollars, eats like a lord. The bird is the message. The price is the vow.
I will confess: I bought two. I did not need two. The second was not hunger. It was gratitude, and it was delicious.
Some prices are not prices. They are promises.
I return every week now. I take one bird. I bow toward the deli, briefly, so as not to alarm the staff. They have begun nodding back.
The vow holds. The bird turns. Five dollars.
Long may it spin.
Dave's Car ID Service is keeping it clean today with a look back at a neglected topic in automotive history: the car wash. So sit back, put it in neutral, release your parking brake. And don't forget to roll up your windows!
(1959 Chevy Bel Air sedan)
Fun fact: former lyin' DNI Avril Haines was just named as the new presdient of the Carnegie Foundation!
Way to go, Avril! Enjoy the new job while you are able to stay there!