dangerpants

Writer. Film guy. Recovering archivist.
★★☆☆☆

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

so @rianjohnson clearly has the means and the clout to give us the Charlie Cale / Benoit Blanc crossover we all deserve and I demand to know why he's not doing it right this instant

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

@mulegirl I honestly have no good answer for that.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

Making jokes on Twitter anymore just feels like throwing a flower into a bonfire

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

Someone needs to bundle all these shitty workplace apps like Zoom and Teams and Slack into one package and call it Frazzl.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

I think we need some new holiday songs with new themes.

Maybe a jaunty tune about a Christmas Eve worker uprising where they burn the guillotined heads of their corporate overlords like Yule logs as tribute to the Old Winter Gods.

Just spitballing here.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

Honest to Jeebus it is nearly impossible to write any kind of horror-adjacent short fiction any longer, now that "my neighbors refuse to get vaccinated" is scarier than anything else my imagination can concoct.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

To clarify: Jeff Bezos is not an "astronaut" just because he took a passive ride on a rocket. That'd be like me calling myself a "pilot" just because I flew from JFK to LAX on an Airbus A320. He was a passenger, and nothing more.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

The fact that we were taught about the numerator and denominator in fractions but never the numeratrix or denominatrix proves how gender-biased our math schooling was.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

Me, whispering soothingly to the Suez Canal:

"See, now you know what it feels like to eat too much cheese."

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

“Ok, so…” is the new “Once upon a time…”

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

Writing prompt: the St. Crispin's Day speech from Shakespeare's Henry V except Henry is absolutely hammered on cider.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

Every time I see an Andrew Wyeth painting I think “that is a Robert Eggers film just waiting to happen.”

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

“I am once again asking you to retreat back into your money or your vast carelessness”

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

$600 won't pay my bills this month but it sure will make a nice downpayment on a guillotine.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

Someone please get poor @SteveKornacki a coffee. He's working his lil butt off.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

2019 me: can name everyone on the Liverpool side and also recite the stats for most of the Tampa Bay Lightning.

2021 me: "yes I would like one ticket to a.. how you say.. Spöört? Also is this the one where they throw the oval or the one where they kick the orb?"

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

@GKuhlenschmidt You absolutely have to do this bit as part of your eventual SNL audition.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

I feel like we’re all auditioning for the worst reality TV show ever.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

@rshields37 He's always been the caretaker.

[dangerpants @Tony_D]

Nice job, @TODAYshow control room, for spoiling the Austraian Open with your chyron of the winner. 🙄