Sophie b

Sometimes I do interesting things, other times I don't. Unfortunately the latter is more common.

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

Excitedly told everyone for Christmas I got the Bog Witch to remove the curse on our family and instead of being happy they’re just like, “what curse?” and “why do you keep angering bog witches??”
Like, who cares? None of our kids will be born with hooves now. Just say thank you.

[trash jones @jzux]

hey sorry i forgot your name already i was busy getting ready to say my name while you were saying your name

[Joe Gunn @joegunn]

I see you haven’t viewed my story – would you prefer it if I were dead? Let me know! It’s been up for an hour

[star ♡ ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა @cutestgoth]

You show a cat something and they're like sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff ooooh I understand now. Don't care

[Paul Anthony Jones @paulanthjones]

How your email finds me

[birdsrightsactivist @ProBirdRights]

I am feel uncomfortable when we are not about me?

[Caitlin @caithuls]

No one wants to hang out with me anymore ever since I got a bad personality and became evil

[wolf pupy @wolfpupy]

sorry i was pretty busy imagining a color gradient that goes from light blue to a slightly different light blue, but i think i got the gist of whatever you were saying.

[nesrin danan @blackprints]

watching your instagram story might mean i clicked through the whole thing without even looking at it or i dream about you every night you’ll never know

[Benny Feldman @Feldfrog]

Body parts are often metaphors. Guts are courage. Balls are courage. Spine is courage. Toes are small pigs that participate in the market economy

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Man Has No Idea What To Do With Good Mood https://t.co/aIcnK3aUc0

[wolf pupy @wolfpupy]

i love it when something is beyond my comprehension, i don't need to be comprehending anything.

[Hannah Rose Woods @hannahrosewoods]

It’s just hard to overstate how pleased with myself I would be if a grateful crane followed me everywhere

[PostcardFromThePast @PastPostcard]

I’m very glad that you’re not here because you’re such a pain when you are around.

[ShipofTheseus @JewishSpaceLazr]

The Jewish Vacation Guide - showing places in America where it was safe for Jews or where Jews were not banned - inspired the African-American Green Book and preceded it by several decades.

[antifa🔻girlfriend @lllliatttt]

they should invent something other than time that heals all wounds

[Bethan Ackerley 🇵🇸 @inkerley]

we’re living in a golden age where Twitter is finally being used for a noble purpose: constant, inescapable Pedro Pascal updates

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

I'll never understand people who are like "I can trace my lineage back to King Henry VIII" when I learned that my grandma had a mom I was like ok I can't keep track of this