My brother had a daughter, I never thought I’d be an uncle. God I still remember all the experiences my uncle gave to me in his shed. I need to get a shed.
Legs wrapped around the ceiling fan spinning in circles while I have 14 screens of porn running at the same time when my mother walks “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, OUT NOW OUT GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” She screams for whatever reason.
At my high school graduation I jacked off under the bleachers for the entire ceremony as the girls in my class that I’d always wanted to bang crossed the stage. I was also directly under a family with 3 preteen daughters.
My mother walked in on me mid masturbation, she slapped my hand and grabbed the family scrap book. “I TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS!” She yelled as she disappeared from the room.
One night as a kid, I was staying over at my black friend’s house. His stepdad was kind enough to buy us some wings for dinner. He bought me the lemon pepper flavor but I found them to be gross, so when he left the room I went and tossed them in the trash. Later that night he got all pissy about it and beat my friend’s ass while I played 2K.