Blane Malcomson

nerf or nothing

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

Teachers said I was dyslexic when I would say “Girls rule and boys drool” but I was actually just #woke af.

[DraftKings @DraftKings]

@sixers “No way the Knicks can blow this.”

Tyrese Maxey:

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

I’m sick of seeing yankees hats that are red and green and maroon. It’s stolen valor.

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

Lol

[Hillary Clinton @HillaryClinton]

If Russian leadership would rather not be accused of committing war crimes, they should stop bombing hospitals.

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

How long would it have taken to repair i-95 if it was a bunch of James Hardens? @BarstoolPhilly

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

Women love AI cuz it be listenin to you when you speak

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

Just shit my pants while drinking coffee and paying overdue bills on the phone… feeling grown up today.

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

Next mission impossible movie should just be a dude showing his girlfriend Top Gun for the first time without quoting any lines.

[Mike Abrusci @mikeabrusci]

I know that’s not the point of them but when someone has a private Instagram profile I should be able to see what’s going on in there anyway

[juju 💰 @ayeejuju]

the titanic up 2-0 on rich people rn

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

Hood rich: clickin that third tip button with no hesitation

Real rich: not tipping and calling the cops on your delivery guy

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

Me when im eating

[dan the rock yang @realDANYANG]

thinking about how funny it would be if taylor swift looked down at the scale and it said “chinese”

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

Just got solicited by a religious fanatic who handed me a pamphlet asking “Who controls the world? God?” And when I started talking about the corporations, HE walked away.

[dan the rock yang @realDANYANG]

watching a running group debrief their run at a bar like “yeah dude that part where you ran was fuckin tight”

[dan the rock yang @realDANYANG]

yeah im down for a two party system, the party and the after party

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

Watching Sam Raimi’s Spiderman 2 like “damn this movie rocks…” then it ends, credits start to roll and Dashboard Confessional starts playing!?!?

[dan the rock yang @realDANYANG]

boobs but instead of milk one is ketchup and one is mustard

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

COMING HERE WAY MORE NOW. RESPECT 🤝. @MTUnitedNJ

[Formerly Unionized Performers NJ @MTUnitedNJ]

We are the actors, stunt performers, and stable hands of Medieval Times in Lyndhurst, New Jersey joining together in union to create a fairer, safer, and more enjoyable workplace. With a supermajority of support, we are excited to be forming our union with the AGVA.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

“We must invent Kevlar uteri.”

[Blane Malcomson @TrailBlaneing]

“I like to think of myself as an oil man.” - me talking about the gas prices.