Whale Earnhardt Sr

I woke up this morning, and I still don’t believe I won the Whaletona 500

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

https://t.co/RByLZAiuL8

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

Just know that if you ask me if I watched the game last night I'm going to tell you I played in it and then I'm gonna try to convince you that I'm Justin Tucker and that all those handjobs I got were consensual and strictly platonic

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

Floway 1000gpm vertical turbine just a little weekend project

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

"I'm super into the right to repair" he says to himself as he looks for a replacement outer glass panel for his oven

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

To the guy smoking on the train right now: hell yeah

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

Pro tip: you can just order the little Inspector Jacques Clouseau strobe and put it on your truck and voila you've got a key to the city

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

I'll fart during Elton John I'll fart during 3 card wild accept it idiots I'm fartin

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

All fart no shit @ @OceanDowns

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

Its even harder when my next move is to whip out an 8 dollar harbor freight ratchet that isn't even made of metal and hammer it into a 2 foot cheater pipe and then crank up on it with a 6 ton jack.

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

It's hard to buy American hand tools when Proto acts like they're losing a limb responding to my warranty request for a $200.00 5450BLXL that almost beheaded me when it detonated at eye level during the bolt up of a #150 class fitting.

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

Been giggling at this all day

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

Bet this smog wouldn't be settling over the land if futures rap name was still Meathead

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

If technology ever reaches the point where we can do this I think we should do it to Col. Bruce Hampton

[JEEEZY OBAMA ❄️ @JeeezyObama_]

Swipin cards & stackin chips

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

Using one of the call boxes on the bay bridge to do pranks

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

@7eleven I've got a bone to pick with you why the fuck is every location in Baltimore conspiring against me?

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

@Dinner_Duty

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

@packageduty @lindzomode

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

Hop in slut we're going deaf to John popper harmonica solos

[Whale Earnhardt Sr @TronCartier]

If I could find a 5am karate class for adults I'd be well on my way to my red belt by now