Mr. Swindles

homo sapien, male, heterosexual, omnivore, happily monogamous, hypocritical.

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

@onlyastoner Those are the ones you gotta remember to say thank you for

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

About to drive on the left side of the road for the first time, hopefully I don’t bugger it up.

[onlyastoner @onlyastoner]

peanut butter knife

i make a sandwich and rest
the knife on the edge of the sink.

just in case.

so much possibility. i might want to make
another sandwich.

but i never do

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

set in phone, set in stone

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

PSA: if you smoke too much weed and make a root beer float, there is a high chance you’ll leave the ice cream out all night.

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

@onlyastoner They are a rare breed for sure

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

I think I would classify Pineapple Express as a stoner brom-com.

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

It’s not surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

At the barbershop and some dad is explaining to his like 10yo son how to negotiate job offers and I’m so curious where this conversation started...

[onlyastoner @onlyastoner]

wherever it's cool to drink wine, weed should be fine

[onlyastoner @onlyastoner]

what tender leaves are these
that quiver in the wind
and wither in the winter's chill?
i see them shivering, shuddering,
fluttering,
falling
at first frost.
i love them still.

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

You might be an aggressive driver if you have to race 2 people to pass them and get flipped off by 3 others in a 3 hour drive.

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

You ever feel like shit and then think ‘I got a good life, what’s there to be upset about?’ and then feel like more shit? Cause same

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

Might fuck around and learn some magic

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

Been known to drink some wine from time to time

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

@onlyastoner May have spilt my ashtray all over myself during this but totally worth it.

[Mr. Swindles @TvviterlessZach]

Day 1 of Quarantine: I ventured out of the house today

[onlyastoner @onlyastoner]

all you #fuckinstoners should go complete the census right now. it determines how federal funding will be allocated & how many congressional seats your state gets #2HitsForRealShit

[onlyastoner @onlyastoner]

weed: the more i have, the more i share. the more i smoke, the less i care.