Mother in Law

I am your Mother-in-law. I am all mother-in-laws. I am all knowing, and you are an incompetent idiot my child chose to marry, for now.

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

What is wrong with a baby shower?! So negative! I'm just planning ahead so the baby's room at my house is ready once you're pregnant.

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

@firetigger999 @melodivm and obviously the child will be named after me. Naturally. I deserve the honor and will be the 1st to hold him/her.

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

@melodivm well of course they don't matter, why the hell would they?!

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

When will you incubate another baby for me to love more than you ever will? Soon? I hope so, it's so hard on me, the waiting.

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

When you say I am habitually late it's because you're habitually unlikable and unimportant to me.

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

It's hardly *MY* fault that you consistently assume the worst of me regardless of how HARD I try to prove you wrong. So cruel, really.

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

Life insurance polices for YOU with me as the beneficiary, I cannot see why you assumed such horrible things about me! Spiteful, really.

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

Or even that time you mistakenly assumed that my intentions were less than 100% pure when you realized I had looked into life insurance...

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

Or that time I slipped and cut your brake lines while doing a routine engine check and tune up in your car ....

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

Or the time I *accidentally* spilled Windex in your soup ...

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

Like the time I suggested the long walk off a short pier ...

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

I'm just saying you've demanded apologies for LESS than THAT ...

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

You seem really hung up on the horcrux thing. I could easily be hurt by the way you so freely toss around the word "evil" ya know!

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

Yup, still in black. Still mourning your existence. Still saying sorry since that somehow hurts your feelings because you're so sensitive.

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

Yes, I know it's your birthday. Why else would I be head to toe in all black?

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

@Elliaria_Ann don't forget refolding and correcting the organization in their dressers. Amazing they survive at all when I'm gone.

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

Of course I'm still here! Evil never dies! Besides, your wedding ring is a horcrux. I always have a backup plan.

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

@firetigger999 *gasp* my son would never say or do that! You lie OR your using your evil womanly ways to manipulate him!

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

@natesima oh that's nice dear. Maybe I can give her pointers? Hmm?

[Mother in Law @TweetsfromMIL]

@Elliaria_Ann invited? Pshh I am always welcome and never need an invitation!