VAllucinate

Type A nutjob

[VAllucinate @VAllucinate]

Eating dinner without TV is like working out without music.

[VAllucinate @VAllucinate]

My body is like a classic car. It looks amazing but doesn’t always work.

[Alicia Carmody Updates @TennesseeTwunk]

Thinking about Amnesty International’s absolutely insane font choice from 1991

[VAllucinate @VAllucinate]

Sex is great but have you ever pressed hard on your bunion until your back cracked?

[August-–—• @augustaghast]

If you're on adderall just know you act and speak like a youth pastor

[VAllucinate @VAllucinate]

I’d like to be Tina Fey. I’d like my best friend to be Amy Poehler.

[VAllucinate @VAllucinate]

I have to get out of bed so I can sit in a chair all day long.

[sarah ☁️ @clouddottir]

the walter neff shell / bubble house in pasadena just hit the market and it’s the stuff dreams are made of - and the last airform house in the US 🤯 (comes with a bomb shelter too)

[Denzel Rust @AdemLuz]

Everyone is always rooting for you. Your parents want you to be a great son. Wife wants you to be a great husband. Your boss wants you to be a slam dunk hire. Every first date you’ve ever been on they’ve been rooting for you to get laid. Every time you started to tell a joke people hoped it would have a hilarious punch line. Your proximity to anyone is a reflection of themself, meaning the deck is never stacked against you, and your failures are completely your own

[VAllucinate @VAllucinate]

We used to say we have food at home - to save money from eating out. But now having food at home is a luxury.

[VAllucinate @VAllucinate]

I saved enough money to buy whatever I want, but I shouldn’t.

[Brian Roemmele @BrianRoemmele]

1952, Social Guidance Film. It was seen by most high school girls for a decade. A 1960 version was made and it was removed in 1973. Nothing replaced it.

[VAllucinate @VAllucinate]

@lindsayslung Look at that Ford Taurus.

[VAllucinate @VAllucinate]

The suburbs have culture. We have the botanical garden at Home Depot and the aquarium at Petsmart.

[Arojinle @arojinle1]

I heard something crazy and I couldn't stop thinking about it. The way poor and rural women think about pregnancy is waaay different from the way rich and educated women see it.

[hunter @3gpmh]

i once tried journaling but it looked like i was writing a suicide note

[VAllucinate @VAllucinate]

I really miss flip phone ringtones.

[Brian Krassenstein @krassenstein]

INCREDIBLE!

Washington Post journalist Hannah Natanson who had Trump’s FBI raid her home and take her phones and laptops, just won the Pulitzer Prize with the Washington Post.

Congrats!!