My early review of eBaseball プロ野球スピリッツ is that hitting is now possible (and fixed!), everything feels Pro Yakyuu even when the game has been downgraded thanks to UE5.
Hear, O Lord, the cry of thy servant, and speedily eviscerate every Metroidvania yet in development—
even those that lie in early access upon their sickbeds, already dying,
or those that inflicted of a terminal cancer such as roguelite elements.
Begin, if it please thee, with Dead Cells.
Auschwitz them.
Almighty God, hear my plea:
Dachau and Auschwitz every Metroidvania development team.
My only regret is that I cannot number Vampire Survivors among them,
nor the swarm of survivor-clones that cry out to be genocided,
for they are not games to begin with—
and neither, for the most part, are gachas.
But set us free, O Lord.
Rain down fire and brimstone,
as thou didst upon Sodom and Gomorrah in that fateful night,
or, if need be, as thou didst send the flood in the days of Noah.
Relieve us of every upcoming Metroidvania, past and present.
Remove them, all of them, from the face of the earth,
and from their plague upon humanity.
This Auschwitz-Dachau genocide prayer,
this Sodom-and-Gomorrah prayer,
this Noah’s-flood prayer,
I lift up against all Metroidvanias.
In the name of Jesus I make it.
Hallelujah. Amen.