Profanisaurus

Tweeting profane words and expressions from the Profanisaurus. UNOFFICIAL. PARODY.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

four ball Paul: n. A bullshitter who, if you told him you had 3 testicles, would have to go one better. Also racunteur, twat o'nine tales, Bertie big bollocks, two shits.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

Vin Diesel: 1. n. prop. Gravel-voiced, bald actor who always wears sunglasses. 2. n. Happy Shopper wine costing less than £2, and which leaves one gravel-voiced, bald and wearing sunglasses. Screwtop.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

tea strainer: n. A bowel movement that is forcibly withheld during teabreak so that one can have a tom tit and get paid for the pleasure. Time and a turd, taking one on the company's time.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

M & S turd: euph. A shite which is worthy of special attention due to its exceptional quality. “This is not just a turd, this is a five-day matured, chicken vindaloo with garlic naan and eight bottles of Cobra turd.”

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

R Kelly weather: n. A chill in the air during the summer. When the temperature is "dipping into the teens". From the singer's alleged, though we must stress completely unproven, penchant for cooling meteorological conditions.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

nangerine: adj. The characteristic orange skin tone of biddies who over-winter in Tenerife.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

drop shot: n. An expertly executed hockle, neatly nutmegged between the thighs, the rim of the shit-pan and the Autotrader while sat on the shitter.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

mid-loaf crisis: n. Anything that spoils the enjoyment of a good tom tit, eg. A doorbell or telephone ringing, a dawning realisation that there is no bumwad, or a policeman approaching the shop doorway.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

virgin poo: n. The first turd laid at work after the cleaning lady has scrubbed the rim.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

gentle giant: n. A shit so big that it brings tears to your eyes, but which gently kisses you on the cheek just before it leaves. A French lodger.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

greggings: n. The seemingly standard lower-body attire of ladies about town who have, one might infer, a penchant for pies.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

coke zero: n. Bacon powder that contains little or no genuine sniff.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

owner operator: n. A lorry driver who sheds his load wherever the fancy takes him.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

meat and two veg: n. A gentleman's undercarriage. A pork sausage and a couple of love spuds.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

plasterer's radio: sim. Descriptive of a lucky lady who is heavily adorned with jelly jewellery. Frequently found on Japanese and American cyber-scud.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

chin: v. To successfully belabour in a bout of fisticuffs. 'I could fucking chin him, easy.'

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

fubes: n. 13 amp, usually ginger, pubes. Contraction of fusewire + pubes.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

Greggs tie: n. The vertical pasty-flake mess that adorns the front of your shirt, jumper or vest following the swift and careless consumption of a prolish comestible.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

tea chicken: n. Game played by severely hungover flatmates, whereby they all sit immobile waiting for the first one to bottle it and offer to put the kettle on.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

mid-loaf crisis: n. Anything that spoils the enjoyment of a good tom tit, eg. A doorbell or telephone ringing, a dawning realisation that there is no bumwad, or a policeman approaching the shop doorway.

[Profanisaurus @VProfanisaurus]

bum lungs: n. Additional, apparently rectally situated, breathing apparatus which allows members of the fairer sex to speak for extended periods of time without pausing for breath.