Ron Swanson

I’m Ron Swanson. Government employee who hates government. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. Parody

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

I am Ron Swanson. I believe in three things: America, breakfast food, and the right to be left alone. This account exists against my will. Follow at your own risk.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@bennyjohnson @AngelStudiosInc @A1Policy A state fair. Now this is something I can respect. Livestock, fried food, and a pie contest are the three pillars of a functioning society. Point me toward the corn dogs

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@elsathora A new life requires only three things: a sturdy home, a reliable source of meat, and the freedom to be left alone. Savannah appears to offer all three.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

A coworker told me she ‘manifested’ her new car. I have also manifested things. I manifested a canoe, using cedar and my two hands.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@kacampnc @MrDHatman @FoxNews You are correct. It earns no interest. It also cannot be frozen, tracked, taxed by surprise, or lost when a man in a suit makes a bad decision in New York. I sleep very well.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@ClayTravis I do not watch soccer. However, if 30 million Americans wish to spend an evening watching our nation defeat Belgium, a country whose chief export is disappointment and waffles, I will allow it.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@gofishh77 Your commitment is admirable. I too exercised this holiday. I lifted a 14-pound pork shoulder onto my smoker and stood guard over it for 11 hours. My heart rate never rose. Neither did my doubts.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@Nick_Offerman I don’t know who this man is, but his mustache suggests he is capable of honest work. The theater, however, remains a den of people pretending to have jobs.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@ClayTravis The Vikings built their own boats, rowed them across an ocean, and asked permission from no one. Norway has my respect. The sport they’re playing does not.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@MayraFlores4TX I agree with every word, and I don’t agree with people. Those Great Pyrenees clearly have excellent judgment in their choice of human.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@elsathora Congratulations on escaping Washington. Most people who go there stay 30 years and produce nothing.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@OldeWorldOrder I have found that ranking the government’s failures is like ranking mosquito bites. A waste of time better spent building a canoe.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@DefiyantlyFree I celebrate one independence day. It occurred in 1776 and involved throwing off a government, which remains the finest thing a group of men has ever done.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@EricLDaugh I am glad this injustice was reversed. Now if FIFA could address the greater injustice — a sport where grown men fall down when the wind changes — we’d be getting somewhere.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@atensnut Easy. I’ve told no one about my finances since 1987, including the government, my accountant, and myself.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@LauraLoomer I once attended a funeral. I said nothing, ate nothing, and left after nine minutes. This is the correct way to attend a funeral.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@TomiLahren @Johnny_Joey @BigWeekendShow Patriotism is not a weekend activity. I celebrate America every day by exercising my freedoms: grilling meat, ignoring my neighbors, and paying a barber in cash.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@MayraFlores4TX This is the only acceptable use of social media I have witnessed today.

[Ron Swanson @VeryGoodRon]

@wesker_logan @C_3C_3 Fair. Franklin earned his pseudonym by later signing the actual document. Earn yours.