@MonicaMAlmaguer Not for sure there is such a thing as duty sex for a wife that is loving and wanting to fulfill tge needs of her husband. Sounds more like Love to me. I don't want duty sex, but engaged and desirable sex maybe more often or when you aren't just initiating is Love not duty.
“Containment” - that is the word I have been searching for in all the back and forth with Giff Lasta that I did not know I was searching for.
It was introduced to Avis and I by @Careerflex during a podcast we recorded with him yesterday.
That podcast has not been released yet - but the attached video has a couple of StreamYard clips from it along with Avis explaining from her female POV in her own female words why it’s a problem with what many of us have been understanding Giff to be saying that has had us saying in our own words he is telling “men to orbit their wives.
I’m going to mansplain it and tie it into the other phrase Joshua Lisec recently coined “If she won’t wear the collar, that means you already are”.
I want to allow for the possibility I and others simply misunderstand Giff - so lets just say when I talk about Giff in the rest of this post I’m saying what I understand him to be saying - but allow the possibility I simply misunderstand what he is saying.
Giff says when a marriage is struggling sexually including to the point of a dead bedroom situation - the husband has to stop needing sex and transmute his need for sex into other activities that will turn him into a sexy beast in the eyes of his wife. And once he has achieved a level of sexy beast his wife finds acceptable she will again open up to him sexually.
He recommends during this period of becoming a sexy beast men need to sexually fast. No porn, no masterbation, no asking for sex, etc. because you are turning that sexual desire into other activities making you acceptably sexy to your wife.
A pushback I and others give is that the wife has a responsibility to invest in the marriage same as the husband does and she should sexually invest, even as a husband is working on himself - assuming he needs too.
Giff will say something along the lines of a wife can only invest within the frame her husband provides - but often in a vague poetic way such as “He’s the shell, she’s the pearl. She’s still gotta take up agency, but without his frame, she’s gotta be her own hard shell.”
That is the bit I’m now understanding him differently on - he is talking about containment - however, his “fix” to a broken marriage that was lacking the containment that broke it in the first place is to continue to have no containment in any practical sense - despite saying the wife and marriage needs it to be fixed.
That is what Avis pointed out to me from a female POV that is “icky” and unsexy in what he is telling men to do. Zero practical containment. There are no serious consequences he sees men having the ability to enact to enforce containment.
Without containment the wife remains firmly in control of the marriage - her own hard shell.
That is why he uses the phrase “the stay plan is the go plan”. You can’t go/divorce, fuck other women, etc or anything that would be a serious consequence. But if she gives you a consequence of divorce for non performance, you are ready to go.
That’s what I’ve been struggling to point out with the words I’ve been using with Giff when we spar on it. I should have been saying containment, but I didn’t have the word in my vocabulary to use to describe what I was saying.
So, coming full circle to the BDSM topic Joshua has been talking about - the reason marriages that have a BDSM power dynamics component to them are marriages that thrive - is because containment has been established that otherwise wouldn’t exist due modern marriage laws.
And women longing to be contained can only be contained via BDSM power dynamics in modern marriage. And now that you see it, you understand why 50 shades was the hit with women it was.
Advising men against the one thing that will fix broken marriages - establishing real containment - is robbing women of the ability to relax - and where do you think that ultimately ends up even if it seems like you fixed something in the short term because you earned back sex by performing? -R
Most faithful men need more sex because you’re their only source of sexual intimacy. If he’s choosing to stay loyal to you, don’t punish him for wanting you.
@TheXMatriarch I have found that never apologizing for that works. Own it!!! Of course I should want to have sex with my wife. And? What's the problem? Hmmm, ask anyone if a husband should want yo have sex with his wife. She has just about stopped all that nonsense now.. LOL
Christian teachings often wrongly imply wives alone decide when sex happens. The Bible (1 Corinthians 7:3) states mutual obligation. While libido gaps exist, neither partner should arbitrarily withhold intimacy. #ChristianMarriage#Intimacy#BiblicalTruth
@iamFrancesHart About time he manned up. Now you need to grow up. Stop being a child and see if you can really be a grown woman that deserves such a strong man.
@GiaMMacool@pearlythingz Interesting, my wedding was bith of our's second. Too long of stories. I paid for it so was very involved and choose the minister. My Grandfsther's best friend who happen to be a pastor. I pay, I have voice and share in planning as there was a budget.
@K227924744@Lead_Protect I'd say there are much less of these than you want to admit. When all you get is the opposite of a submissive honoring wife many start to cave. Their mother petty much made them that way and father allowed. The cave is to what she wanted, but dies not need and require.
@StrongMarriage5 Thank you for not saying doing dishes like others say on here that is crap. Sure doing for others is a Love language, but not the only one and you hit all 5 with what you have here.
@GoodNews_Hub I do not think this is a thing. All humans want sex and all crave sex. We just generally get there differently. That is why the more sex you have the more sex you want. This is a head thing as wives who say they never want sex can turn and want sex daily. No physical change
The Supreme Court found that the government illegally charged hundreds of J6ers with a 20-year felony. Every American should be livid about the abuse of power and the many lives destroyed!
WOW! CBS admitted they deliberately scrubbed “our body our choice” from Jane Doe’s text. Instead of reporting the truth, they manufacture the story to fit their agenda from the start. These people are just so sick.