Wesley Fouse

Yeah I was homeschooled, why do you ask? | Senior Web Strategist: @Pinkston_co. Savior magnified, soul satisfied. Philippians 1:21

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

Still trying to repair the damage to my self-esteem after my two-year-old daughter broke her arm and handled it better than I did when I stubbed my toe a few hours earlier.

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

Why in the world would you spend $5 buying apple cider at the store when you can spend 7 hours and $43 making it yourself on the stove?

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

They did something to Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies. They're worse now. I know this as well as I know my own name.

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

"Beauty is as beauty does," I whisper as I pay the $0.40 extra to make my McDonalds meal an extra large.

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

I spent a good portion of my childhood believing that a shard of a beer bottle in my rock collection was an emerald and that basically sums up my life ever since.

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

At 19, I was young, reckless and free.

At 29, I just printed out an indexed list of local birds so that I can track which ones are visiting my bird feeder.

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

I’m convinced my current hairstyle is having a negative effect on my career prospects

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

The fact that no one in the reformed circles has covered "Pastime Paradise" and turned it into "Pastor's Paradise" really astounds me.

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

I’m 28 and I’m at a place in my life where I need to trim my nose hair once every two days. Will report back next year.

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

@DaltonReed5 @WUTangKids @NewYorkNico The amount of Elaine lookalikes at this Brooklyn Cyclones game is shocking

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

please, untitled document was my father, call me untitled document (1)

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

Recession this, recession that, why don't you do something about that receding gumline?

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

Cool squat bro, but can you lift up your friends in prayer?

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

Please. Daddy long legs was my father’s name. Call me long legs

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

Cain and Abel
-3825 B.C., Unkown Photographer

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

State of the Union, except instead of the president talking about the United States, it’s my barber talking about my eyebrows.

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

To get the amber waves of grain, you first need a field fertilized with manure. Be patient with yourself.

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

Well this really ruins the timing of my announcement that I too am considering taking a break from Twitter

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

"A man ain't a man if he doesn't own land [in the metaverse]."
-Mark Zuckerberg, probably

[Wesley Fouse @Wesley_Fouse]

Doctor: Son, your utter lack of water consumption has destroyed your body

Me: You should see the other guy

Doctor: What other guy

Me: Only I can see him