William Hancock

The All-Being Master of Time, Space, and Dimension.

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

@d_smels

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

Remember the good times when only 2 or 3 of your friends sensationalized everything? Well now it’s most people on earth. Welcome to the new status quo.

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

It’s 2020. Can we please get “preferred name” on all applications for everything. This is all that’s holding society back at this point.

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

All this talk about the Houston Astros cheating when we have a WHOLE MOVIE documenting the 1994 California Angels receiving help from ACTUAL angels. Unbelievable.

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

Did you know that the Astro’s punishment is actually biblically inspired? When David committed adultery with Bathsheba, he also lost his first round draft pick. Also note that, despite cheating, David did not lose his title.

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

I have tweeted in years. After all that time this is the best I’ve got: I’m William, and you’re watching Disney Channel *Draws detailed map of troop movements during the Second Punic War*

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

I'm currently using a seat warmer in Florida. This pizza will be kept hot until I get home.

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

The ceiling is the roof.
-Michael Jordan
-Michael Scott

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

Curling league at the ice forum in Wesley Chapel, who's with me? #OlympicsBound

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

IF YOU NEVER SEEN BABE BEFORE ITS ON NETFLIX. GO WATCH IT. DONT CRY AT THE END WHEN YOUR HEARTSTRINGS ARE PULLED.

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

I just liked a picture of pizza on Instagram. #NoShame #Dominos

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

As if it wasn't already abundantly clear after the primaries, Washington and the media are entirely disconnected from the American people.

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

Man, i hate teams from Cleveland.

[Gregory Cooper @greglcooper]

As much as I hate Chelsea, seeing them go 2 up on Jose's Man United makes me feel warm inside.

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

Shoutout to everyone who keeps who they're voting for to themselves and doesn't whine on social media; You're the real heroes!

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

The only bad thing about the summer olympics is the lack of Curling. #BestSport

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

"Im not superstitious, but I am a little stitious." - Michael Scott

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

No one ever hears me say "monopoly dollars" when I bet the big bucks and then everyone gets upset about it when I lose.

[William Hancock @WillardHancock]

"I have two cat tattoos on my body and two real ones at home" - actual conversation I was a part of tonight