A big fan of bagels

I’m really nothing special

[A big fan of bagels @WiscoBoy]

@TheeeeChad @CJToledano I say this every time Derrick Rose takes a shot

[Jamie Bonkiewicz @JamieBonkiewicz]

Royce White beat his wife and kid so badly a judge gave him a 50-year restraining order.

But sure, tell me more about “protecting women.”

[connor @ConnorEatsPants]

birthdays just don’t feel the same without the free flow of maritime trade through the Strait of Hormuz

[Vols Over All Y’all @VolsAF]

“Accessible healthcare for all is a horrible idea. My parents never got healthcare and both died, orphaning me at 12”

The woman is a NATURAL

[Turnbull @cturnbull1968]

“ I like to grab them by the pussy”

MAGA: That’s just locker room talk.

“Trump likes to spend time with Natalie.”

MAGA: Oh my God, that’s the most misogynistic thing I’ve ever heard!

[Joe Wrote @joewrote]

El-Sayed wins by 1%: "Underwhelming, progressives fail"
David Crowley wins by 1%: "Moderates are anointed by God"

[Stephen St🏀ne @StephenRStone]

It’s so weird that conservatives constantly say they’re concerned about men disingenuously pretending to be trans so they can infiltrate women’s sports, but that’s not really a thing, so the only time it ever actually happens is when they do it themselves

[Marco Foster @MarcoFoster_]

Zohran Mamdani: “In the 2012 mixtape Rich Forever, Rick Ross and French Montana expound on what it takes to stay schemin’ within a system that so often seems to benefit only a select few. Unfortunately, too many NYC families can relate. Today we are one step closer to doing away with New Yorkers’ need to stay schemin’ because today we are incredibly proud to announce that we have filled our first seats for free 2K programs in our city”

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

If a progressive outspent a centrist 9-to-1 in the midwest and still lost the conventional wisdom would be that their ideology was electoral deadweight the party needs to cut loose but because the opposite happened it’ll just be that college kids are too radicalized or something.

[GL @gldivittorio]

Trump will likely say something pretty racist about El-Sayed tomorrow, but at some point he will also kind of off handedly call him hot

[Georgina Hollifield 💚 @sp4rkl3jumpr0p3]

Something that radicalised me was learning that the "carbon footprint" concept was popularised by the fossil fuel industry to shift public focus on climate change towards individual consumers n their lifestyle instead of at the corporations that are knowingly destroying the earth

[Kid Riles @kid_riles]

Tom Tiffany was born in…Minnesota.

After college he got his first job in…
Minnesota.

So he moved and lived in…
Minnesota.

His slogan is:
“Don’t Minnesota our Wisconsin”

Roger that. 🫡

[Gus @Nobummmer]

This is what happens when you live in a culture in decline, people start reminiscing about Puddle of Mudd. Can’t blame them either, there are no mainstream rock bands anymore. There is no MTV Spring Break anymore.

[Sam Alberti @sam_alberti]

this is one of the flubs that no one cares about if its a republican, but if a dem did it the entire right-wing network would be amplifying it for days talking about how dems are a bunch of soyboys who don't know ball

[18 U.S.C. § 2441 @RefrmDemocracy]

Cuomo would be on his eleventh trip to Israel by now.

[Casual Thursday @CasualThursday]

You’re all gonna feel really stupid when Mitch returns to the senate with an amazing BBL

[gucci store majority shareholder @AdamdotH]

The USMNT suddenly turned into one of the most complete team in international soccer as soon as we divided the game into four quarters. You connect the dots.

[Vincent Bevins @Vinncent]

I can't wait for the world to realize that stadiums in the USA are called like the Doritos CryptoScam Raytheon Thunderdome

[arne ness @arne__ness]

you used to be able to rent a hotel room under a fake name now i need an app to do my damn laundry

[episode one @E1podcast]

The greatest trope is when a character has a cousin who is just a country/cowboy version of them

[‏ً @omgsidewalks]

Please stop. I don’t want an AI summary of my Google search. I don’t want an AI summary of the text message from my friend at work. I don’t want an AI summary of the email I’m about to read. Please just stop.