Sherwyn Smith

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

I feel for you, interracial couples! Are you gonna check out "12 Years A Slave" together? Wasn't seeing "Fruitvale Station" awkward enough?

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

It's looking like Republicans are a bunch of junkie "Koch heads" in need of an intervention.

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

Reagan gave us cheese. Obama gave us health care. You lose, burger toppings!

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

Memo to Air BnB: when you had the idea, you were a capitalist. Now that it worked, you're a thief. Don't mind them. Stay on your hustle.

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

Damn these grass stains! How do I get them out? Do I call "The Help" or "The Butler"???

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

Walked by a bakery named "Croissanteria" today. Is this some kind of voodoo croissant? Can I get my ex to eat one and put a hex on her?

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

Exfoliating is great for my skin. Exfornicating makes me break out. Exfoliate, exfornicate. Exfornicate, exfoliate. It's a vicious cycle.

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

I've figured it out: John McCain won't stop until every red blooded American has a POW experience.

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

I used to think I have a big deck. And then I saw my neighbor's deck. His deck is bigger than mine. I guess I got deck envy.

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

Malcolm Gladwell's recommends 10 thousand hours of practice to gain mastery in a skill: does this apply to regretting my life choices?

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 10 thousand hrs of practice to gain mastery in a skill. Does this apply to calling my ex and hanging up?

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

Malcom Gladwell says it takes 10 thousand hrs of practice to gain mastery in a skill. Does this apply to checking my empty fridge for food?

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

Male sexual history: in an attempt to "last longer," did Cro Magnon "pleasure himself" before a fine ass cavelady came over to his cave?

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

Newman's Own "Gorilla Grape Lemonade." Racist? Tested on focus groups in the hood? I don't care. Racism never tasted so good!

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

Damn, girl. If you were mine, I'd send you every post card, every letter Priority Mail. Why? 'Cause you're a priority, boo.

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

These control issues of mine. I gotta get 'em under control.

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

I wanna get out in front of this early: this holiday season, STDs are NOT ELIGIBLE for "regifting." Are we clear? Carry on...

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

@my_voice_roars Thanks! Really appreciate it!

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

@kumailn Preach!

[Sherwyn Smith @WittyTrini]

@curlycomedy Smart, on point. Me likey!