Jon Horowitz

WEB SERIES 'On the Line' out now! - watch! share! hire me!

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

@krassenstein They probably saw what’s happening to ticket sales at the FIFA Club World Cup…

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

I finally got back to enjoying the Red Sox this season after they traded Betts, the team is rolling, and now they trade Devers. Unreal. #Devers #Redsox

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

@RiotFest I don’t mean to brag, but my credit card says I have an outstanding balance! (My joke)

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

Me, strutting into Conclave shrouded in mystery: “Hey what’s up guys. Francis dapped me up before he died, so I’m here, but like, don’t even worry, I’m a fly on the wall, just really excited to watch the process…”

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

@atrupar I hope stores accept chess pieces as payment

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

MY WIFE: I think you have ADHD.

ME: Eh, I don’t know, and I’ve been looking into it, off and on, for a while.

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

@bendreyfuss “Hey guys, we’re doing stimulus checks again, but THIS time, you won’t know until later whether you’re getting one or getting deported to an El Salvador prison.”

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

People are setting Teslas on fire, but to be fair, Teslas were setting people on fire first…

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

@dustindrury Also, aside from the health implications (I still wear a mask on public transit), seems incredibly unconstitutional and restrictive to not let ppl cover their faces if they want. Catching ppl committing crimes with masks on is their problem, not ours. Figure it out.

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

@DailyLoud The Baja Clock is being set to Midnight—the closest it’s been to doomsday so far.

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

This is the quid pro quo-iest shit I’ve ever seen:

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

@Phil_Mattingly @SangerNYT Crazy how every four years the GOP finds the one Thing causing literally every problem in the world.

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

@elawless If I ate 8 hrs before sleep, I’d need to eat again before going to sleep! REDACTED makes me go to bed after her so she falls asleep before I snore—maybe that’s how they do it??

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

@AlexEdelman Circumvented that by giving him two dollar bills bc it’s the Two-th Fairy. And frankly, the value of children’s teeth has remained stagnant the past four decades.

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

I deeply hate that all packs of collectible cards are now priced based on expected or possible value instead of a set price based on their manufacturing cost. #mtg #tcg #sportscards

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

This seems like a good example of Dems actually acknowledging the current political climate/realities and not just playing nice all the time. I have no idea if this action is good or bad but I like seeing Dems calling out the bullshit AND adjusting their tactics accordingly.

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

CASABLANCA:
Will I see you tonight?
I never make plans that far ahead.

20s Me: God thats such a cool line his life’s so exciting he never knows whats next!

40s Me: God thats such a great policy his life’s so busy he doesn’t want to make plans he’ll regret later when he’s tired!

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

We can never be 100% sure Banksy isn’t also spraying all those swastikas…

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

@joncoopertweets Are we really doing this again? If they didn’t care about the infidelity, the Access Hollywood tape, the constant lying, the felonies, and him being a raging asshole to everyone, they’re not gonna care that he called his opponent a, “fucking bitch.”

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

@elawless Lol I think it’s about to be!

[Jon Horowitz @WitzPickz]

Every third post in my feed is like, Blorp AI only dropped three days ago and it’s already creating some of the most realistic buttholes you’ve ever seen. 🧵”