Wolfpack Alan Garner

Member of the Wolfpack. Pilates freak. Funions addict. All around boss. Let's laugh a little.

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

I am the Ghost of Christmas Passed Out.

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

I hate one direction fans so much. I need my whole room to cool down but no. This damn thing only blows one way

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters. Perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

When is the relief concert to help ease the victims of Kanye's performance last night? #121212concert

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

Just saved a lot of money on my car insurance by switching to reverse and fleeing the scene

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

I don't want to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol IS a solution

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

Making a wish at 12:12:12 on 12/12/12 and telling everybody about it doesn't make you lucky... it makes you annoying.

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the main reason I have trust issues

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

I dont hate you. I just hope your next period happens in a shark tank

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

Drinking alcohol makes me an alcoholic. So does drinking Fanta make me fantastic?

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

It's going to be drizzy outside today... expect a lil wayne.

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

Chivalry isn't dead, you stupid bitch

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

On 12/21/12 I will be making rapture jokes like there's no tomorrow

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

Stalking is where two people go on a long, romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

Adele might set fire to rain... But SpongeBob can make a campfire under water.

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

Okay, Google ads for ski gear, Taylor Swift and LL Bean, I get it. I'm white.

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

In five years everything will either be a Chipotle or a picture of a cat.

[Wolfpack Alan Garner @WolfpackAlanG]

Rush Limbaugh looks like if someone put a normal human being in landscape mode.