Alan wolfson

Painter, Poet, Public Nuisance and Self-appointed Pencil sharpener of Pointlessness.

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@papercutsshow #fixtheheadline! Acquitty Woman

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@papercutsshow #fixtheheadline Acquitty Woman Alan Wolfson

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

Who will walk off with any one of three double A batteries? I don't know, it's not a contest, it's not a slam, it's not a quiz or a race. It's spoken word, music, art, a bar and popcorn. Join in the open mic if you think you're bard enough!
Picturehouse poetry. Friday July 7th

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

#micropoem23
What does an orange do?
The citrus orb sits there absorbing blue.
Likewise a lime takes time to relax
while it extracts violet.
Surmising the scenery, it's surprising to find
green pigment is a figment.
Perception is errant. Green is not inherent in the greenery.

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@abipalmer_bot Mazel tov!

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@shaunwkeaveny Hancock - "Arse cupping is not 'hugging', so I didn't break any rules".

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@shaunwkeaveny Gender neutral chat-up poem
Seize upon astrology
with no hint of apology
for this presumptuous chat-up carpe diem.

Get well in with this bizarre line
“I bet I can tell your star sign
simply by the taste of your perineum”

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@shaunwkeaveny Apon hearing Mull of Kintyre for the first time. 'Oi McCartney! Box yer pipes in'

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@abipalmer_bot Guy Garvey, for it is he, does the best show on Sundays on 6music.

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@shaunwkeaveny MALIGNANT NARCISSIST

The wreckers have stolen the glow from the lighthouse
and beckoned a moron into the White House
with a synapse lapse as thick as a brick shite house.
A menace, a misogynist,
All nescience and artifice, this
ignorant malignant narcissist

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@shaunwkeaveny Idiot in fit of pique. Updated this from 2016:

[Mark Gatiss 💙 @Markgatiss]

It’s always hard when a part of your childhood goes, so bless Tim Brooke-Taylor - the patron saint of silliness. Clearly loved and a gentle gentleman. From The Goodies to I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue he was simply always there. “Don’t cry for me Marge & Tina”. RIP

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@TheLastLeg Vintage Christmas card shows Scarecrow from Wizard of Oz looking on while Adam Hills camps it up as Clara Bow gives birth to a coiffed blonde four month old baby.

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@Aiannucci You can search the WHOLE of the internet, and therefore every library in the world. There is absolutely no such thing as Semi-Marxist. Not like Boris to make things up.

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@RealBobMortimer I find it can be held up to the sky to facilitate the start of drinking, as in 'Now that the sun is over the lanyard' . . .

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

Presents sorted!

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

Two Short Planks handed redundancy notice
after takeover by 'Where were the Kurds at Normandy?'#Trump

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

So they came to me and said "This incessant bleating of 'Get Brexit Done' isn't working. All people are hearing is 'For fuck sake get this shit off our shoes'. Can you come up with a snappy slogan for Conference that people will believe?"

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

Alright Women. You'll have had your Hour on the radio, and your International Day, and your Port & Lemon.
Now step aside for a Month of Mansplaining, Manspreading, and Toxic Masculinity. . .
Welcome to COCKTOBER!

[Alan wolfson @WolfsonAlan]

@richardosman Some years ago I coined this about a heavily censored item. 'More bleeps than Newcastle United running through a self-service checkout'