HelloYesThisIsBread

i’m sorry

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

guidance for engaging with my content:

if you read a tweet that you don’t like, that tweet was for me, fuck you

if you read a tweet that you DO like, that tweet was for me, fuck you

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

she oingo my boingo until i danny elfman

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

when people say “hindsight is 20/20”, they’re specifically talking about the time i made breakfast for a hungover friend and put curry powder in the scrambled eggs

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

being 29 is the “i’m 7 years and 10 months old!” of your 20’s

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

cold-brew pasta

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

@ThePostsOffice one step short of when i did the same thing and also put vodka in my handheld water bottle for the night

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

highway exit sign advertising

SUBWAY
SUBWAY
SUBWAY

the same way that neon signs outside of clubs advertise

GIRLS
GIRLS
GIRLS

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

watched a lab equipment semi truck hit the rumble strip and imagined all the fancy glassware going shikity-shake

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

“i have work tomorrow” okay well i have a passion to kind of learn the ukelele

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

7 pm on a sunday, it’s time Drink Beer and Irritate Your Girlfriend

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

self-anointed king of jackassery

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

i can tell twitter is toxic because it’s always at it’s best when a public figure is dead or gravely ill

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

i like the song in this one

[with Ricky and Bradley @RickyAndBradley]

in which we commit to improvement, fail to improve, and then maybe get a little bit worse https://t.co/XJric0c0TX

[with Ricky and Bradley @RickyAndBradley]

baja breath of fresh air

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

in my “hell yeah, dude” phase

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

undercover boss but for child labor

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

“god, what a bunch of starbucks-drinking dickwads” - me, also in the starbucks drivethru

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

*indignant* i know dozens of quotes from PROFESSIONAL comedians, so um, i’m /pretty sure/ i’m a funny guy

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

it’s so easy to make jokes about the french because they’re the ones who decided that anybody who makes fun of them is automatically punching up

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

shouting “hell yeah, dude!” after a particularly groovy jazz number

[HelloYesThisIsBread @WonderBrad42]

i’ve managed to introduce myself as a character in a show where i was already the co-host

[with Ricky and Bradley @RickyAndBradley]

in which Editor Brad frequently interrupts a deep-dive conversation about star wars, we send our new intern to fetch wine, and we decide to improve on our perhaps-imperfect improv skills https://t.co/TqbxZCfnBx