XAVI

Pronounced (CHA-VEE) & here to spread positive vibes
🎮 Twitch Partner (Variety)
🌴 Florida man 🇵🇷
🌽 Cornball.
📧Contact: [email protected]

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

@FallGuysGame Music never lets me down

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

@PZPTCG So essentially this does happen to others, but just don’t go viral enough for them to do anything about it. 🤷🏽‍♂️ idk this explanation stinks

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

@PZPTCG So let me get this right. They fixed this by manually grading the sub themselves AFTER enough fuss was made online and this “shouldn’t have impacted others.” In a climate where it’s common to receive a 9 and crack it to potentially get a 10.

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

@deadmeatjames having 6.66 million subs seems on brand

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

@lmg_MoB quitting when I hit you with a rage art is craaaaazy @YuYunikore

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

@EastsideBleed Review your content. Is it engaging? where are the opportunities to make it more entertaining. Is the quality there? (Video and audio.) ask yourself what makes you different than every one else trying to hit that 75 mark and what are you doing to capitalize on the different thing

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

Meanwhile in Miami…

[Lulu @LuluLuvely]

I feel like I don’t know how to make content anymore 😞 Like I’ve forgotten how to do everything that made me grow and blow up in the first place. And I’ve once again isolated myself from every community. Just feeling very lost right now with content.

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

@brucecoopertv I hate being a Lair 😞

[WITTLEBEARS @Wittlebears]

Hard pill I had to swallow was realizing it wasn’t about pushing that live button and putting in 12 hours. It was what I did off stream to better myself, my content, & how I supported those around me.. it was about going live & giving it my all for 4 hours straight so that when people came in and out it was the same energy. The same bears.

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

Me: out here enjoying life
Also me: enjoying life.

[BruceCooper @brucecoopertv]

Maybe someone needs to hear this, or maybe I NEED to hear this, but something has been weighing on me and I need to get it out...

This streaming thing is hard. I've been doing it since March 2015, and I've been trying my absolute best for years. It get's so hard to not compare myself to others, not get jealous of others, it gets hard to not feel like everyone who enters my life is trying to take something from me, the list of "hard things" goes on and on and on and it never feels like it ends. It's turned me into this cold, paranoid, sad shell of a person and I hate myself for it.

I often times feel like I try my absolute best to be "different" or to make content that I love or will hopefully make someone laugh or something, and I feel like I always fail. It's getting harder and harder to keep my chin up and not let things get to me.

I feel like I've lost my way. I feel like sometimes all I care about is hitting a daily sub goal and then going to bed. I constantly compare myself to metrics and I constantly get down on myself because my metrics feel like they go down and down.

I can't talk about it because then I'm feeling sorry for myself, but mustering up the strength to put myself out there again, day after day, gets totally impossibly hard. So I usually just go back to bed to be honest.

I never ever want to give up. I never want to stop. I never want to look back and say to myself "I didn't try hard enough" but at the same time I feel like an absolute fucking idiot because after all this time and energy, I still feel like I failed... Is it totally insane for me to keep trying? I used to say no, but it's getting hard to say no to that.

I always seem to find my way out of those dark clouds by opening Twitch and feeling like I'm at some sort of "home".. But anymore even THAT is going away. Twitch obviously doesn't feel like home anymore because of all of the changes over the years, but I guess that realization is finally just hitting me. I don't know what to do or think. I don't want to give up on Twitch or anything like that, and hopefully I never will or have to, but my point is that things are just so different now...

I feel like I'm going freaking crazy. I feel like I'm shouting into the void. I feel like no one understands me. I turn 36 years old tomorrow and I feel like my life's work is just a few cringy videos and a box of shattered dreams.

This is entirely my fault too. I probably come across as some ungrateful entitled asshole and I'm sorry for that. I promise I am sooo thankful for this community and everything everyone has shown me, the love and support has changed my life. We have gone through SO MUCH together and I will never forget that.

I don't want to give up. SOMETHING has to change and I'm determined to get through this. If I can get through this as a creator I can get through anything. I have fuel left and I will not stop until every last drop is spent. But right now, in this moment, I am sad, scared, anxious, and eager...

If this has hit home in any sort of way please know that you are not alone.

To the people who continue to support me please know and understand that this isn't a bad thing and that I can't thank you enough for your support. I need you now more than ever before. I need your patience, your open mindedness, and your love.

A shift is starting with me and my content, and I promise that I will give whatever comes my way my 110% commitment and self, because I truly believe that what we have here is something special, and eventually the rest of the world will see that too.

Thanks for sticking with me.

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

@GrahamOfLegend @uhmaayyze @0ViewersPodcast

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

I love sitting in traffic for an hour because @Xfinity phone support is bottom of the barrel.

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

Life’s happening.

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

@ICrawbaby @LeksiW @hellogames THIS

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

When people ask me why I haven’t played NMS. I felt this to my core.

[SurvivalBob @TheSurvivalBob]

I'm gutted y'all! I've loved #NoMansSky since I first played it years ago and built over 100k subs on @YouTube covering it while introducing thousands of new players to the game I loved. I've missed two updates in a row now because I'm out of town and they like to spring updates on us with no warning. With that said, I'm not sure if it's feasible for me to keep covering this game moving forward.

For those wondering, I'm not taking lots of vacations. I help take care of my 96 year old grandmother who lives in a very rural area with trash internet. I take turns with several other family members staying with her. We make a schedule in advance so we can all plan our work/family around it but the way @hellogames and @NoMansSky choose to deliver "surprise" updates makes it more frustrating than fun for me at this point.

I love the community and will try to stay engaged with it and may do a play through here and there but updates (where the majority of views come) are out of my reach at this point with the current marketing strategy HG uses.

I really hate that it's come to this and don't take it lightly. I love this community! Thank you all for the support and love you've shown me. I'm not gone completely, just have to take a few steps back for now.💙

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

This mf is 29 today!

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

When she plays your sub alert in the car.

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

I have the best girlfriend. So grateful 🥹

[XAVI @XAVItheFish]

I set this bitch off