My cousin thought it would be “funny” to shove me into the pool.
I told him not to.
Once. Twice. Three times.
I said, very clearly:
“Do not touch me.”
He laughed in front of everyone and threw me in anyway.
When I came up, my hearing aids were dead.
Completely destroyed.
Replacement cost: $6,000.
His response?
“I didn’t know you were wearing them.”
Then he refused to pay.
Said it was “just a joke.”
My family immediately took his side.
Their logic?
“You make more money.” “He has a baby.” “He’s still in college.” “Don’t ruin his future over an accident.”
But it wasn’t an accident.
I warned him repeatedly.
He ignored me.
So I sued him.
And I won.
The court ordered him to pay the full amount.
He still didn’t.
Now 20% of every paycheck he earns is automatically taken until the debt is paid.
He ended up dropping out of college because he couldn’t keep up financially.
And somehow…
I’m the one the family calls cruel.
Apparently, in my family, respecting boundaries is optional.
But expecting adults to pay for the damage they cause?
That makes you the villain.
The breast is not just feeding the baby. It is reading the baby.
When a baby feeds at the breast, the same suckling action that draws milk out also pulls a small amount of the baby's saliva back into the nipple and into the milk ducts. Scientists call this "retrograde duct flow".
This hypothesis was put forward by lactatiom biologists and they are gathering evidence through research - If the baby is sick, that backwashed saliva carries traces of the infecting pathogen into the mother's breast tissue. Her immune system detects it, identifies the threat, and begins manufacturing targeted antibodies. These then appear in the very next feed of milk delivered to the sick infant.
Human studies have steadily supported this. Riskin et al. (2012), published in Pediatric Research, demonstrated that when nursing infants were ill, their mothers' milk showed a dramatic surge in white blood cells, particularly macrophages, along with raised levels of TNF-α, a key inflammatory signal. These levels fell back to normal once the baby recovered. Mothers of healthy babies showed no such changes.
Hassiotou et al. (2013), in Clinical and Translational Immunology, confirmed that both maternal and infant infections trigger a rapid leukocyte response in breast milk. Then a landmark 2022 study in Nature provided the clearest mechanistic proof yet. It tracked a virus from an infected mouse pup's saliva, through the nipple, into the mother's milk ducts, and demonstrated a subsequent antibody surge in her milk.
Taken together, the evidence describes a mother and infant in quiet, continuous biological dialogue through the breast. Illness whispered through saliva. Answered in medicine. Still remains a hypothesis but the evidence is piling up.
My father never came to a single thing I invited him to.
Not my primary school graduation. Not my secondary school prize giving where I collected 3 awards and kept looking at the gate. Not my university matriculation. Not the ceremony when I got called to bar in 2012. I'd send him the date weeks in advance and he'd say I'll try and that was always the full sentence. I'll try. No follow up. No explanation after.
My mother would sit in his place and clap loud enough for 2 people.
I stopped inviting him after the bar call. Not from anger. Some people love you completely and still cannot show up and after a while you stop making them feel guilty about it.
He was not a bad man. I want to be clear about that.
He was a mechanic in Mushin for 35 years. Worked 6 days a week. Sent every one of us to school. Never raised his hand. Never left. The lights stayed on and the rent was paid and there was always food and he did all of it quietly without asking to be celebrated.
He just could not sit in a plastic chair and watch something.
I accepted that and moved on.
Last year I bought my first property. A flat in Ojodu. Took 9 years of saving and 2 years of paperwork and a lawyer who nearly finished me. When the keys finally came I sat in the empty flat on the floor for an hour just breathing.
I called my mother first. She screamed. My sister cried.
I didn't call my father.
3 days later he called me.
Said he heard about the flat from my mother. Said he wanted to come and see it.
I didn't know what to do with that so I just said okay. Gave him the address. Figured he'd say I'll try and we'd never speak of it again.
He showed up on Saturday at 9am.
Stood at the door in his good agbada. The one he only wears for serious things. Holding a small nylon bag.
I let him in and he walked through every room without speaking. Not quickly. Slowly. Like he was counting something. He checked the pipes under the kitchen sink. Knocked on the walls. Opened and closed the windows twice each. Looked at the ceiling in every room the way only a man who has fixed things his whole life looks at ceilings.
Then he came and stood in the sitting room and looked at me.
Said the pipework is good. Said the windows seal properly. Said whoever built this knew what they were doing.
I nodded.
Long silence.
Then he opened the nylon bag.
Inside was a small framed photo. Me at maybe 7 years old sitting on the bonnet of an old car in his workshop. Grinning. Both legs swinging. He's standing beside me with his hand on my shoulder looking at something outside the frame. I remember that day. I had gone to the workshop after school and he let me sit there while he worked and gave me a Fanta and put a Michael Jackson cassette on the small radio.
I didn't know anyone had taken a photo.
He said he kept it on his workshop table for 22 years. Said he wanted me to have something for the new place.
I held that frame and stood very still.
He said he knew he missed things. Said he was not good at the sitting and watching. That crowds made something in him go wrong in a way he never knew how to explain.
Then he said the flat was good and he was proud and he asked if there was anything in the kitchen because he hadn't eaten.
I laughed.
Made him eggs and bread while he sat at my kitchen table in his good agbada like he owned the place.
We ate and he told me about a car he was working on. I told him about a case that was giving me trouble. Normal conversation. The kind we should have been having for years.
He left at 1pm. At the door he gripped my shoulder the same way he did in that photo.
Didn't say anything.
Didn't need to.
The photo is on my sitting room wall now. First thing I hung in the whole flat.
Some fathers cannot sit in the plastic chair.
But mine drove to Ojodu in his good agbada on a Saturday morning with a 22 year old photograph in a nylon bag.
That was his standing ovation.
I just didn't know to look for it in that shape.
My man said something to me that really stuck.
He told me, “I’m not here to control you. I’m not your dad, I’m your partner. You’re free to make your own choices. Just understand that every choice has consequences. If you choose something that damages what we’ve built, that’s on you.”
He said, “I’ll always tell you when something hurts me or crosses a boundary, because that’s what healthy communication looks like. But if you keep stepping over the line after I’ve shown you where it is, then you were never really protecting us to begin with.”
And honestly, that’s what accountability in a relationship sounds like.
My name is Zainab. I’m 27 years old. An SS.
That is, I live with sickle cell disease.
My parents are both AS.
Oh, they They knew.
They were told.
They still married.
They said God approved it. They said love would be enough. They said faith would cover the consequences.
I am the consequence.
I was diagnosed before I was two. My childhood memories are not playgrounds or cartoons,they are; hospitals, needles, and adults whispering when they thought I couldn’t hear.
In primary school, I missed classes so often that teachers stopped asking why. Some classmates thought I was pretending. Some thought I was cursed. I learned early how to smile while feeling different.
By secondary school, the pain episodes became more frequent. I would wake up excited for school and end the day on a hospital bed. I watched my mates grow normally while my life moved in pauses, school, hospital, recovery, repeat.
At 15, I lost my younger brother to sickle cell.
We were both SS.
That day changed me forever.
My parents broke down in front of me — crying, apologizing, saying “We followed faith. We didn’t think…”
But the damage had already been done.
Sometimes I forgive them.
Sometimes I resent them deeply.
Both feelings live in me.
In university, I tried to be normal. I joined sickle cell advocacy groups, volunteered with awareness organizations, spoke at events, encouraged parents to test their genotype. People call me strong. They call me a warrior.
What they don’t see is me crying alone at night after another silent pain episode.
They don’t see the fear that comes with planning a future in a body that doesn’t always cooperate.
And Relationships?
That’s another wound.
I’ve been loved… briefly.
The moment conversations turn serious about marriage, children, commitment….they leave. Some are honest. Some ghost me. Some promise forever and disappear quietly.
One man once said he would do anything for me. He talked about taking me abroad, better care, a life without fear. I believed him. For the first time, my heart rested.
Then one day, he stopped calling.
That heartbreak triggered one of the worst crises I’ve had as an adult. Not because of physical stress but because hope collapsed.
Now I’m older. The pain episodes come differently. Less dramatic, but more exhausting. My body recovers slower. My fears are heavier. I ask myself questions my parents never asked each other.
I am strong, yes.
But I am tired.
If you are AS and the person you love is AS, please love your unborn children enough to stop and think. Faith is not a license to ignore knowledge. I am a proof to that
I didn’t ask to be a lesson.
But if my life can prevent another child from being born into avoidable pain, then my voice matters.
That’s why I’m writing this to you. Because people listens to you and this story needs to be heard. I hope that your audience share this till it reaches those who are about to walk by faith and not by sight, Sickle Cell is real!.
Adeyinka, keep rescuing lives, I love how you raise awareness and say the truth unapologetically, those who do not like you are probably those who wish they could be you. Have you met you?. Oh,I see you Queen Ade💪🏻