Zombie Problems

Being a zombie ain't easy. These are our problems. Not associated with #TWD. Parody account.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

The undead falling into an industrial shredder is not "good TV."

It's a crime against the living- impaired.

You'll be hearing from our lawyer.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

Could humans maybe stop killing each other?

Leave some food for the rest of us.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

My favorite place to bite people is off screen.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

I'm not dead, but I'm not alive.

My life status is "it's complicated."

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

I used to get in trouble for biting other children.

Now I'm a zombie.

Guess I never kicked the habit.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

I don't feel pain.

At least not the physical kind.

People calling me a monster still hurts my feelings.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands until I find and eat you.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

I want you inside of me.

Not a sext.

I'm just hungry.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

My groan is worse than my bite.

Just kidding.

One nibble from my teeth will literally kill you.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

I'm not groaning because I'm a zombie.

I'm groaning because when I died somebody cancelled my Netflix subscription.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

Don't treat me like a monster.

I'm still a person.

A dead person who wants to eat you.

But a person nonetheless.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

I'm a vegetarian.

Well, not quite.

But one time I ate a guy who ate a salad.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

Stop saying how ugly and gross zombies are.

I'm dead, not deaf.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

Never mess with a zombie wearing high heels.

She's stuck walking in those painful things for eternity.

They don't come meaner than that.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

That thing about shooting zombies in the head is fake news.

It doesn't even hurt us.

So please don't try it.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

I was a vegan.

Now that I'm a zombie, I still don't eat animals.

Only people.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

I hate joggers.

Too much lean meat, not enough fat.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

Sorry if I seem a little cranky.

You would be, too, if your food kept trying to shoot you in the head.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

If you hate zombies, raise your hand.

Maybe make some noise, too.

I'll do my best to find you.

[Zombie Problems @ZombieProblms]

I don't get why humans fight each other.

I'm offended.

It's like they forgot the world is full of terrifying monsters trying to eat them.