There’s a conversation going on on the TL, and I think it’s about time we threw more light on it.
I feel like a lot of people, especially the men in this demographic, do not understand the concept of dating, and it’s why toasting women often feels like a humiliation ritual. Let me explain.
When you like somebody first, whether you’re a man or a woman, it is your responsibility to lead. You’re supposed to put in effort. Whatever effort means to you, but I’ll tell you what it doesn’t mean: spending a lot of money.
If you tell me that you like me, that you’re attracted to me, that you want to sleep with me, etc., I do not owe you reciprocity immediately. I don’t even know you. You’re the one who likes me, not the other way around.
So give me something to work with.
Telling me you like me is not enough. It’s even worse when you show interest and then expect the person to start chasing you.
Yes, you’ve told a man or woman that you like them, but why exactly should they like you back? Out of courtesy, they may decide to indulge you. That is them giving you the opportunity to make your personality known.
Again, if you go about it the wrong way, it becomes a humiliation ritual. This is why some of you end up splurging money and taking people who don’t like you yet on dates in an attempt to convince them to like you. That is pathetic.
You don’t take somebody on a date to make them like you; you take someone who already likes you on a date to enjoy each other’s company and get to know each other more.
The year is 2026. Your phone exists for a reason. If someone hasn’t shown genuine interest in you over the phone, why are you taking them on an expensive date?
And no, you cannot tell someone you like them today and expect them to like you back immediately. Do you know how many people tell them that every week? Do you expect them to reciprocate every “I like you” without seeing anything beyond the words?
Talk is cheap. Anyone can say they like you. Effort is how you differentiate between someone who is serious and someone who is about to waste your time.
So yes, the idea that someone who said they like you hasn’t texted you in a week or two but is posting on social media is flawed and questionable. I know the phone works both ways. But if their actions haven’t made it clear that they want you, you do not owe them reciprocity.
Give them something to work with first. Then you can meet them in the middle.
And lastly, if you like someone, you put in effort for a while, and they’re not matching your energy, pack it up and move on to the next person.
Everybody cannot like you back, and that’s okay. You will eventually meet someone who does.
It really is that simple, I promise you.