JoshYouAre

Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people

[Praise @tufpraise]

Notice how they're not killing the journalist:

Israel: 0
Gorillas: 1

[faget83629031852 @faget9261530128]

My parrot just said my full legal name and flew out my window

[Summer's Eye @HellsBitchen_]

Just penismogged my coworker at the urinal

[Midwest Modern @JoshLipnik]

I lived in a house with random people from Craigslist for a semester and one guy covered his room in rock climbing holds and you’d walk by and he’d just be casually perched up on the wall watching anime porn

[Mia @boygrrI]

public transit is not that bad if you bring a jbl speaker

[Masters Burner @ANGC_burner]

It’s April 6th, and the tweet of the year race is over.

[Aelfred The Great @aelfred_D]

𓅓𓂋 𓊪𓂋𓅂𓋴𓇋𓂧𓅂𓈖𓏏…

[james hennessy @jrhennessy]

aspirational levels of fucking up at work

[Wontwo Badsoup @wontwobadsoup]

The victoria line is hot because of the mechanical demon that lives in its tunnels. The train screams because its afraid of what lives at the end of the line

[The White House @WhiteHouse]

STRIKE. 💥🦅

[Adio @Adiofreak]

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

[𝐟𝐚𝐮ᛋ𝐭 @faustianwigger]

Roman Jews in 43 BC: "Persia is weeks away from developing a trebuchet"

[Tom Whyman @HealthUntoDeath]

[the British far right imagining what it is to be 'properly British']

"OK, well... we're Christians, yeah? And every day at school... we get up, and salute the flag. That's right: the old stars and stripes. And then, every Thanksgiving, or fourth of July..."

[.gabfrab @gabfrab]

I asked my wife if she'd jack me off for Valentine's. She didn't answer, just kept watching Beast Games on mute. Then like three minutes later she farted so loud our dog ran under the bed.

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

You just know Elon had cards against humanity packed to take to the island

[SOVEREIGN BRAH 🇺🇸🏛️⚡️ @sovereignbrah]

The idea that a Satanic cabal of Jewish pedophiles was raping & torturing kids in order to blackmail governments & control global affairs is one of the most antisemitic ideas one could possibly hold.

And yet, as the Epstein files clearly demonstrate, it’s true.

[tabitha arnold @thetolerantweft]

A dentist lives as the solitary male in a pack of female hygienists, until a younger dentist challenges him and forces him out