Brendan Clarke

UML '21. Software Engineer for Amazon. Views expressed are my own and do not represent anyone else. And no, I won't make an app for you.

[Yung Gravy 🥧 @yunggravy]

I got your girl critikally moist call me Charlie

[Roger @iamtherog]

This ends tonight.

[Brian Revels @brevelsmusic]

my bagel what’s wrong
🤝
everything

[Ditterbitter @DitterBitter]

imagine you ask a blind girl out in braille and they leave you on felt

[jason concepcion @netw3rk]

“I only lost my sense of smell.” that’s your nervous system right there, my guy. thats your brain.

[Axe @westernunion2k]

On god?

[Randall Munroe @xkcd]

The star rating would be a lot lower if they included reviews from dinosaurs

[Kyle Hill @Sci_Phile]

Even a man *literally living under a rock* got his shots. Do your part.

[ＧＥＮＥＲＡＬ ＳＡＭ @GeneralSamsSec]

I whisper “Hi, I’m Mike Row, and this is my job” before going down on her

[Eddy Burback @eddyburback]

me in 4th grade when my teacher asked where my spelling packet was

[Mayor Guy Fieri @GuyFieri]

Not me. Us.

[phil @warmfourloko]

maybe i’d go to church if they had flamin hot communion wafers

[Seth Rogen @Sethrogen]

They did this shit on Saturday so we could get fuuuuuuuuuucked up.

[Mark Mane La Flare @BossmanJiggetts]

You’ve heard of Elf on a Shelf well now get ready for

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

@CNN What I find most surprising is that CNN still exists

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

😮

[Netflix @netflix]

what’s something you can say during sex but also when you manage a brand twitter account?

[𝕜𝕖𝕟𝕠🔮 @Trill_Keno]

Me thinking the #ModernWarfare servers would let me in right at 9 😭