Danielle

A rattlesnake bit it in the throat.

[Danielle @_dreamlibrary_]

@Grimezsz Court jester

[Ted Rall, America's BS Detector @TedRall]

Studies show that many Americans will die, literally, as a result of going to permanent daylight savings time. It should be permanent standard time. Leave it to Congress to take a half-bad situation and make it fully bad.

[Alex Clark @yoalexrapz]

Everyone agrees the twice-a-year clock change is ridiculous.
But if we’re making one time permanent, why choose the one that most sleep and circadian experts don’t recommend?
Permanent standard time aligns better with our biology because morning sunlight is what sets our internal clocks. Permanent Daylight Saving Time means darker winter mornings, later body clocks, and more circadian disruption. This would be another disaster for American health. It’s probably too late to stop this but switch this to permanent Standard time instead!!!!

[luz @vnbvrnt]

park chan wook soon after oldboy too

[Danielle @_dreamlibrary_]

@grok @josephdow87 @Str_Eng_Jake @tranmautritam That’s not even close to the right spacing though.

[J. Kyle Mann @jkylemann]

i have a COMICALLY bleak view out my window in vegas

[Erik Anderson @AwardsWatchErik]

Haven’t seen her once on my timeline today, need to correct that

[Merriam-Webster @MerriamWebster]

Why is it ‘cancelled’ in the U.K. but ‘canceled’ in the U.S.?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

[Danielle @_dreamlibrary_]

@TreeBarkAgain Ooo ooo javer

[Danielle @_dreamlibrary_]

@ckayerawlings Mr Balloon Hands

[Maryland DNR @MarylandDNR]

During tonight's full moon, horseshoe crabs will return to the shores of Ocean City as part of their annual spawn. This spectacle happens during the full moons and new moons between May and July, because horseshoe crabs wait for these high tides to lay their eggs in the sand. Thousands of horseshoe crabs crawled onto the shores in search of a mate during the new moon this month.

The spawn is thought to be the oldest wildlife migration in the world. Horseshoe crabs are not crabs, or even crustaceans, but are a type of arthropod more closely related to spiders and scorpions. These living fossils are part of an ancient lineage of animals that have scuttled the world’s seafloors for 450 million years, long predating the dinosaurs. Horseshoe crabs are very well adapted to their environment and haven’t needed to change much in their long history. The Atlantic horseshoe crabs you can see on the East Coast today are nearly indistinguishable from fossils found in the Jurassic Period, 148 million years ago.

Aside from providing yet another generation of this ancient species, this spawn is also important for feeding our migratory birds, many of which depend on horseshoe crab eggs during their stopovers on beaches.

[Danielle @_dreamlibrary_]

lol what country is this person from. in america if you see someone in line at starbucks wearing blue scrubs and cowboy boots there is a 90% chance they are a trauma surgeon.

[Danielle @_dreamlibrary_]

@katiopolis Lieutenant Dan’s legs

[Danielle @_dreamlibrary_]

@gothburz

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

The official line is that they were a Norwegian trade delegation. Technically accurate, because they are Nordic, and there was trade. But they are also seven feet tall, telepathic, and arrived on the South Lawn without a vehicle.

I am the Deputy Director of Visitor Logistics at the White House. I logged them into WAVES as FOREIGN DIGNITARIES (3), NON-TERRESTRIAL, NO MOTORCADE REQUIRED, and the meeting went extremely well.

The Pleiadians requested the audience in March. They communicate telepathically, which the President respected immediately, because it meant nothing was in writing.

They traveled 444 light-years to deliver a warning about our trajectory as a species, the kind of warning a doctor gives a patient who keeps asking if he can smoke in the waiting room. Atomic weapons. Ocean collapse. Machine intelligence. I did not take complete notes, because the meeting ran 25 minutes and he spent the first eleven asking where they got the jackets.

Their opening offer: clean fusion, the cure for every disease, the propulsion equations. Free. Contingent on planetary disarmament.

His advisors begged him not to negotiate against a species that reads minds. It turned out he is the one man alive with nothing to find. They reached into his mind expecting layer upon layer of deception and found a single image, perfectly clear: him, wearing one of their jackets. The delegation conferred for a long moment and informed us that in eleven thousand years of contact, no species had ever tried to buy the uniform. They called it coherence. They did not mean it as a compliment. He has already trademarked it.

He countered. Landing rights, retroactive to 1947. Eighty years of unauthorized airspace use, invoiced with interest. Legal added a line item for the weather balloon story. Narrative services. We billed them for our own cover-up, and the tall one went silent for nine seconds, which I am told is how their species weeps.

Greenland stays in the deal. They did not want Greenland. He said that's how he knew it was valuable. What kind of advanced civilization passes on waterfront?

Then UFC Freedom 250. This Sunday. Seven bouts on the same lawn we were standing on. His birthday, which he assured them was a coincidence the universe keeps arranging. He offered them galactic distribution rights. Then he looked at the tall one for a long time and offered him the co-main event. Seven feet. Reach like a cathedral door. Walks around at a weight our scales log as an error. Someone said the commission would never sanction it. He appoints the commission.

The tall one declined. He lowered the offer to the prelims. This is a negotiating technique.

They asked if staging a cage fight on the negotiation site was a threat display. He said it was a Flag Day celebration, and also yes.

I should note that an environmental group has sued to stop the octagon. Nobody has sued to stop the aliens. I forwarded this to Counsel as proof that the permitting process is working.

Protocol required a gift exchange. They presented a small silver sphere that shows the holder the full consequences of his choices. He looked into it for four seconds and asked if it came in gold.

You have all seen the photo. A groundskeeper took it through the magnolias. We told the press pool it was a costume rehearsal for a streaming series, and the pool, to their credit, wrote that down. The groundskeeper now works at the Department of Energy. I am told this is a promotion.

There is also footage. He spotted the camera mid-meeting and pointed at it the way you'd point at a waiter whose name you intend to learn. Instead of having it confiscated, he licensed it on the spot. The leak is now official merchandise. Every time you share it, a royalty accrues. You have probably shared it. Have you checked? He thanks you for your business.

The deal collapsed at dusk. The Pleiadians withdrew the fusion offer when he asked them to walk out before the main event as Special Guests of the Octagon. They said humanity was not ready. He had Counsel log that as a verbal option to renew.

Final tally: our species declined the cure for every disease and counteroffered with pay-per-view. The delegation received two tickets to the Ellipse screening area. Not cageside. He does not give away cageside.

They left without sound. One moment present, then elsewhere, like a fee disclosure.

Two things before Sunday. The walkout jackets for the main card are red with gold embroidery. Licensed. The fusion fell through, but the jackets closed in an afternoon.

And there are three seats on the South Lawn logged as HOLD, GUESTS OF THE PRINCIPAL, DO NOT ASSIGN. I did not enter that hold. The system says I did.

He says everyone comes back to the table.

We're the only planet with the belt.

[ESPN @espn]

A look at how a Golden Belle gets ready for a #StanleyCup Final game in Vegas ✨

(via elyserenee_vegas/IG)

[Hunter📈🌈📊 @StatisticUrban]

Arizona wastes an extraordinary amount of water growing alfalfa in the literal desert. It's ~27% of the state's total water use.

This is extremely uneconomical, and if farmers were forced to to pay anything close to the actual value of that water, it would disappear overnight.

[Tenobrus @tenobrus]

i'm sorry WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE "HIDDEN TEXT"???

[Will Rinehart @WillRinehart]

This was by far the most emotionally taxing part of settling my parent’s estate. My parents died months apart, both at the age of 71, two years ago, and what made it difficult was coming to terms with all of the life planned to live. What really got me were the empty baby books my Mom got for the grandbabies yet to be.

I have a feeling a lot of Millennials, when they are faced with this decision, are just going to junk it all. While I understand that path, I just couldn't do it. I went through every last item as a last act of service to my parents who gave me so much. I went through every piece of paper, every picture, every drawer, organizing the stuff that is important while throwing away all the junk. I filled two 30-yard roll offs with trash, gave away furniture and kitchenware to my young cousins starting their own life, and still have a full storage unit of stuff.

My parents always talked about cleaning out the house, and for a while, I was frustrated that I did what they never could. But dealing with it all resulted in a form of self-revelation. I found my Mom's poetry, clippings from my grandfather's political campaigns, and long lost letters from my great grandmother. I found my uncle's hand carved box that I had never seen before, and the knives they took away from me as a kid. I found my old boombox that would lull me to sleep that I now use in our second bedroom for audio.

At the time, I saw the task as one of stewardship. Now it I understand it as something much more. I was coming to terms with two lives that have passed, one psychically loaded item at a time. I sorted every item with care rather than avoidance, recovered aspects of myself I thought were lost or didn't even know, and have emerged with a richer, more continuous sense of my place in the world.

I am forever indebted to my wife @CharDreizen for giving me the space and the time to deal with all of it. I know others don't have such understanding spouses or partners.

But when I underline passages in a book using a Paper Mate #2 that I know was my Dad's or look up from my desk to see my Mom's conch shell collection mixed with my own sperm whale trinkets, I feel this deep connection with them. But that connection is not imbued with nostalgia for childhood. It reminds me that my childhood has long since passed, that my home is the one I've built with my wife, and that I am the keeper of what they left behind. They are not behind me. They are with me, moving forward.