kaptainkeybump

I do things and stuff.

[Holden_Onto_Truth @After_TheTruth]

What Trump really means 😂

[Fav @Favwontmiss]

My daughter asked me what games I played on the tablet when I was a kid, and I told her I used to yell into a fan to sound like a robot.

[Mkschizo @Mkschizo2]

So when the Chinese own TikTok, everyone learns the truth about the jews.

When the jews own TikTok, women use the platform to justify murdering their own children, and encourage other women to do so .

Fascinating.

[roz @dykejester]

i'm being bullied

[Big Daddy @_B1G_D4DDY]

We're going to burn your books again, faggots.

[Ricky Hollywood @victim_burn77]

I don’t know the origin of piggy banks but I like to assume it was a rural Polish superstition to exploit kosher law to protect your change from Jews

[julia @juumelo_]

my body keeps telling me to stop drinking beers but I’m not gonna listen to a retard

[Orwell Day @OrwellDay]

#Flock

[Trad West @trad_west_]

My ideology is whatever this is

[𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚕𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 @KLobstar]

when a piece of shit dies this website truly comes together

[kaptainkeybump @_kaptainkeybump]

@CasperOnChain All these people suck

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

Stateside, a gas station. I drank a frozen blue beverage too quickly, and was struck down by a punishment this entire nation knows, and accepts, and has named.

The drink is called a slush. Ice, sweetness, and a blue that does not occur in nature. The day was hot. I was thirsty. I drank like a soldier at a river.

The pain arrived in my skull like a war horn.

Behind the eyes. Above everything. Total. I gripped the roof of my car. I may have made a sound.

"Brain freeze," said the cashier through the door, with no urgency whatsoever.

It has a NAME. The affliction is so common it has a household name, like a cousin.

"Tongue on the roof of your mouth," called a man at the pumps. He did not look over. He prescribed the remedy mid-pump, casually, the way one mentions weather.

I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth. The war horn faded. The healer nodded at his pump, finished, and was gone in a Chevrolet.

In my land, punishment follows crime by way of courts and seasons. Here, the sentence is instant. Drink with greed, and the ice strikes the mind directly. No trial. No appeal. Perfectly fair.

And here is what moves me. EVERYONE has felt it. The cashier. The healer. Children. Elders. An entire nation united by the same small lightning, all taught the same cure, all passing it on to strangers at gas stations, free of charge.

You cannot fully distrust a country once you know it shares one pain.

The freeze does not punish thirst. It punishes haste.

I finished the slush slowly, like a scholar. Blue tongue. Clear mind.

Then at the door I forgot everything, drank deeply, and was struck down again.

"Tongue, hon," said the cashier, without looking up.

Discipline is a journey.

[Homestar Runner Groyper @HomestarGroyper]

Elon letting us say nigger and faggot on here is so nice.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

USA. A stadium parking lot. I came to watch a battle, and found the army feasting three hours before it.

Hundreds of tents. Grills. Clan flags flying from trucks. Men in war paint handing food to strangers. I assumed the game had been cancelled and this was the consolation.

"When does the battle begin?" I asked a man tending an enormous grill.

"Kickoff's at one. We've been here since seven."

Seven. In my land, an army eats quietly before war, in case it is the last meal. Here, the meal IS the war. The enemy parking lot is doing the same thing forty yards away. Nobody is fighting. Everyone is grilling.

A man handed me a plate. I had not asked. I was not known to him. The plate held more meat than my ancestors saw in a winter.

"You with us or them?" he asked.

"I am with whoever fed me," I said. It is the oldest law.

"Good answer," he said, and gave me more.

Then I learned the terrible truth. The man at the grill — the general of this feast — was not going inside.

"You will not watch the battle?"

"Nah. I'll catch it on the radio. Somebody's gotta watch the grill."

He marches to the war. He feeds the army. He does not enter. In eight hundred years of my family's records, there is no rank for this man.

There should be.

I was full. I was confused. I was, somehow, home.

An army that eats together has already won. The game is a detail.

When the crowd roared inside the stadium, the grill man nodded once, and flipped a burger.

Next week I am bringing my own tent. He said I could park beside him. We are allies now.

The terms were ribs.

[Wu Tang is for the Children @WUTangKids]

Sir….the Japanese World Cup tourists discovered Texas Roadhouse and are calling it the "best cost-performance steak"