lana schwartz

writer bitch/freelancer/@newyorker, @mcsweeneys, @realpunknews + more/the books BUILD YOUR OWN ROMANTIC COMEDY & SET PIECE out now

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

happy pub day to SET PIECE 🌷🌷🌷

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

after my last relationship ended, i healed, moved on, got a new bf, etc, while my ex penned a whole substack about how 'dating apps are bad for men'

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

and at this point it would be easier for me to get really into the blazers than give up wearing my favorite sweatshirt (starting now by calling them the blazers)

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

when i was in the 8th grade i bought a portland trailblazers sweatshirt from a thrift shop in the west village, i have continued to wear it ever since and for some reason this has recently led people to believe i am a portland trailblazers fan

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

@viajoshhunt your mind + this website

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

@lenibriscoe she's running

[tanvi @Tanvim]

Folks doing detention support/who are working with clients in ICE detention, I am looking into a story about food quality/+ commissary. If you have clients/family/people you're supporting who are struggling with this in detention, please reach out? Signal: tanvim.05

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

we might all hate that you've got mail is being rebooted but i sort of think nora would love it

[Sophia Solano @sophiansolano]

Maria went looking for her mom at an ICE office. Instead, she found immigration officials, who told her she could either leave the building or go with her mother. “I’ll go with my mom,” she said, not knowing her mother had been detained.

with @lbowman_98
https://t.co/omezg5CL5g

[ABC 7 Chicago @ABC7Chicago]

Ayaz Ahmed, 61, had no criminal record and had several diagnosed chronic health conditions when his children say he was detained, deported, and died mysteriously over the summer. https://t.co/Yn28owWnxk

[Kelly Allen @kellakelWV]

There are about to be many more stories like this.

"McCreary, 64, was told that his benefits now required that he have a job. "I don't understand what job I can get," McCreary said. "I can't walk. I can hardly breathe. What job am I going to get?"
https://t.co/Bbw5BtdJIN

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

he could fix me

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

honestly it's great to see harry elfont and deborah kaplan getting a movie again and i think the people who gave us josie & the pussycats *could* have an interesting take but wouldn't it be nice if a studio let them make an original movie

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

A remake of ‘YOU'VE GOT MAIL’ is in the works at Warner Bros.

(Source: Deadline)

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

getting a skin cancer screening while major lazer plays in the background

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

what goes on in manhattan

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

@hollypret i will have to try it for myself sometime!!

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

need a city and state investigation into how you 'accidentally' place an order for this much food 👀

[Peter Sterne @petersterne]

If anyone on the UES wants free Panera, I accidentally placed an order (chicken sandwich, potato soup, mac & cheese, Caesar salad, chocolate chip muffie, and large iced tea) at the location on 86th and 3rd, so feel free to go there and try to claim it using my name.

[Bojak Assemblyman(-Elect) @AdamBojak]

Out of the SIXTEEN DSA members who will be in the New York legislature this coming session, I am the ONLY straight white male.

Just saying.

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

telling everyone mr. and mrs. met actually met on hinge

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

taking the conventional parenting advice and sleeping when my cat is sleeping

[lana schwartz @_lanabelle]

@petersterne thank you for your transparency 🙏