melisa

[🦇 @gothamkino]

describing charli kirk’s assassination to my grandkids

[Ⓜ️ @qweeeeennn]

recruiter called 30 mins after and said im moving to the final round & im now sitting in the salon chair, never was ugly & I’ll clean later. Time heals all

[Matthew @regionalthicko]

Exchanged pleasantries with the food truck guy and he threw in a free samosa

[Hollywood Deals @LocalDingus]

my uncle was forced to twerk at gunpoint in Roku City

[Liam Gallagher @liamgallagher]

@OASlSCONFESSION He was a nosey little fucker but he was alright

[g @34rths]

Taking my big thoughts to big places so they feel small

[charles @ryancalico]

pisei no pé de uma moça no ônibus e pedi desculpas e ela disse NÃO.

[Eren 🎯 @erenfromtargets]

told my boyfriend the cashier at Target was a bitch and he said “was it at self checkout”

[microplastics nanobubbler @facetedcarapace]

When your mom takes you to the scary car wash when you're 4 years old

[َ @solacexe]

be at work lookin ugly as fuck

[Mariam @Gaismair]

when your white homie is lowkey old money

[mari @fcmareee]

SOMEBODY SAID CLOSE THE MUSEUMS THEY MIGHT WANNA TAKE MORE SHIT BACK HOME 😭😭😭

[Pissed Pissedofferson @femmebot2000]

TONIGHT WE SACRIFICE LIAM GALLAGHER

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

One firework is enough to get the point across

[ana @miamiiultrass]

ok so i just found out that this is illegal

[Derek Heckman @herekdeckman]

Me as a small town sheriff when the FBI shows up to claim jurisdiction: “Ohhhhh thank god. This is so fucked up. I did NOT want to deal with this”

[𝗕𝗿𝗲𝗲𝘇���’🦉 @OvOBrezzzy]

I fear she ate you up with this 😭😭

[Jane Doe @femceldrainer]

I want Mexico to win the World Cup because I believe in love

[roku @rokuxvii]

i think she's using me for my terrible looks and bad dick and no money

[lexi @elextra__]

went to dunkin and the drive thru person said “that’ll be 11 million dollars” and i said “oh no!” and she said “i’m just playin it’s $11.99” and man. she got my ass. what a great bit